


Tic Toc

by Koikoi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, BAMF John, Bottom John, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, John - Freeform, Light BDSM, Love, M/M, Moriarty - Freeform, Post-Season/Series 03, Post-Season/Series 04, Romance, Sex, Slow Build, Smut, Top Jim Moriarty, blowjob, johniarty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koikoi/pseuds/Koikoi
Summary: Dreaming, he could smell him, hear him, feel him. It was the forbidden taste of chocolate, which he wasn't allowed to taste in Wonka’s factory. And he knew that if his desire got the better of him, he would fall into the chocolate river and drown. Light was consumed by darkness in these dreams. But they were tempting, too inviting to no take the advantage of these imaginations at night.John finds himself in an unfamiliar room just to find out that Jim Moriarty has returned from the death.





	1. Falling into darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and am in the process of proof reading it right now  
> I'm not a native speaker so please keep that in mind.  
> The story is already completed! Might just take me a few days to finish proofreading :)

Lying awake in his bed, John Watson decided that this was going to kill him someday. It was the tenth night. Ten times lying awake in the unbearable heat of his bed since they had been captured by Euros. A horrid smell lingered on the walls of his nostrils and each inhale led to another roll of disgust. Even now, after numerous hours without sleep, when he awoke in the middle of the night, he could not endure wearing clothes. Every time the scratchy denim danced over his legs, or the soft cringe of his favourite sweater embraced his arms, disgust creeped upon him. It was as if his clothes were covered in mud and revulsion all over again. Dreams were soaked in the water of a well touched by death. Another spark of joy that would never grow up to be a butterfly. It wasn't as if he wasn't used to nightmares. Still, the past had felt less intense, less about dying himself but seeing others fade into the darkness of heaven. Being captured by Sherlock’s sister had been different and now he was always surrounded by children's bones. Thinking of that witch named euros Whenever he woke up, he was surrounded by the sound of a burning bonfire. The smell of chlorine. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Dreaming, he could smell him, hear him, feel him. It was the forbidden taste of chocolate, which he wasn't allowed to taste in Wonka’s factory. And he knew that if the his desire got the better of him, he would fall into the chocolate river and drown. Light was consumed by darkness in these dreams. But they were tempting, too inviting to no take the advantage of these imaginations at night. 

After all, James Moriarty was dead. He wouldn't come back and Mycroft, as well as Euros, had been making it clear that the villain would never really harm them again. Them. Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. The unconquerable duo. The duo that no longer was cooperating. Since when did Sherlock feel like a foreigner?  
When had they stopped being a team?  
Of course he knew since when, but he wasn’t yet able to accept that his best friend was no longer someone he wanted to be with. Sherlock Holmes had found someone to commit to, someone who wasn’t John Watson.

John watched the raindrops hitting his small ceiling window in a race. Listening to their own little song he closed his eyes in an attempt to stop his thoughts. Downstairs, the room was empty and John knew that there would be no soothing violin, no burning candle that could scare of the darkness inside of his head. Not today. 

Once, he was sure, he had loved the madman. As of now, he wasn't even sure if he would ever be able to love again. Mary was dead and he wasn't certain if he had ever been connected to her like he had been to Sherlock. When they had been younger, John had always loved the kick, the adrenaline and the adventures. Now however he just wanted a safe place for him and Rosie. 

Rosie. Again the doctor felt this strange feeling of betrayal swelling up in his chest. He couldn't help himself and thought of all the things that had gone wrong. That still were going to go wrong. Would she grow up, always in fear of her father being killed? 

The doctor felt the wrong thoughts growing in his imagination. Was this all Rosie’s fault? Would he still have married Mary, if it hadn’t been for his unborn daughter? He knew that Rosie was the main reason, but he still loved her and he would always care for him no matter what would happen.

But would it be easier without Sherlock? 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Sherlock wasn't able to look out for her, he was sure of that. Of course the madman was able to entertain her, but he would never stop living dangerously. She wasn't safe here. Neither was John. He imagined himself in a different situations multiple times. Living in a simple flat. If he hadn’t met Mike on that cold february afternoon, would he still be the man he was right now? What if his life had gone on without Sherlock Holmes?

No. 

He couldn't imagine that either. Even if Sherlock was at times scary, he still saved John’s life. Not to mention that he had been at his side for nearly every day and he would've never met the people he loved now. Maybe, Rosie wouldn't even exist. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

John had to open his eyes again as he couldn’t stop the bad thoughts from dominating him. The short seizures of seeing Jim’s face were killing him. This procedure of always ending up thinking of a dead man were frightening but the worst part of it all was that he now couldn't even fear him anymore. 

Illustrating Moriarty always ended in John beautifying this monster, into something he could have never been. While he knew this, the army doctor couldn't help but think of those moments where there had only been the two of them. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

“ I wasn't aware that his pet was this cute” grinned the black haired man while strapping a bomb to John's chest. He remembered being strangely excited by the feeling of black leather against his shirt. It was the sensation of feeling the beat of the ticking, the knowledge that his life was in danger. Back then, John had been sure that he didn't want to give him the pleasure of being weak.  
The cabinets, where people would normally change into their swimming wardrobe, were shining in a darkish green. It was a strange contrast to the white tiling. This place was usually supposed to be associated with words like fun or family, but at this moment, strapped on a single chai, all the doctor could think of was danger. From that day on John would be having nightmares of him being pushed out of that door, of hearing those sweet words being dictated to him.  
“I imagined you taller.” Commented John dryly. “ more like a Bond villain with a white haired, expensive, Cat in your arms”.  
Moriarty had actually pouted at that and tightened the ticking-present. “ I'm hurt Johnny boy, I thought you were friendlier. Your lovely smile had been so promising. Until now”,”considering I'm a living bomb right now, I feel pretty amiable”.  
When Jim laughed at that, with those black eyes piercing through his on ocean of memories, the doctor wondered why, or how, the consulting criminal had become… like this. His laughter was lighthearted and easy, as if the criminal had nothing to fear. He didn’t seem sad. Jim Moriarty could be… pretty? “Oh John, you know this isn’t your fault, right?” 

John remembered the wetness of the pool, he had dreamed about it often, but he had never really considered their meeting as traumatising. Back then, he hadn’t even been aware of the reason why this wasn’t his fault.

The second time though… 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

“ I'm sorry Johnny boy” this time, the blonde could feel the warmth of blood on his forehead. “ I didn't want to hurt you, I swear, but your stupid friend doesn't stick to the rules” he remembered that he was being gently touched by the younger man. He wouldn't die that day, Moriarty promised him, and strangely enough he had believed him.  
“This is so stupid, if this ends in you having a scar on your pretty face, I will feel forced to pay it back to him” Jim had also explained that he couldn’t wipe away the blood, for the show of course, and that he would think of an excuse for him. “This still isn’t your fault”. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

The blonde man rose up from his bed and sighed loudly. Damn it. Why was he thinking of all this mess? Slowly, he walked towards his wardrobe to pick something warm and cozy. He would get a bit of fresh air. He needed that right now. Gently, he kissed his daughter’s forehead before he tightened the scarf around his throat and quietly closed the door behind him. Muffled noises could be heard as the former soldier walked down the steps. It was as if he walked on old and hard candyfloss. The known creaks, all of this house was a sweet memory, which slowly started to crumble under promising steps of his past. When the darkness behind him absorbed each thought about his spawn John felt like a different man.  
This was no longer his home, it was a recollection of former better times that no longer were existent. 

Which was why, when he closed the door of 221b Bakerstreet behind himself, he stopped for a moment and soaked in the streets of London in front of him. Strangely enough, a feeling of Separation overflew him when he left the three steps to his home and stepped on the pavement. In his own pace, he began to trot down the wet sidewalk and enjoyed the cold rain hitting his jacket. The coldness of each drop cooled down his thoughts until the waves of sorrow stopped and every thought finally became silent.

Tic Toc Tic Toc

“It's a shame you're on the wrong side” a drink had been guided to his lips and John had no other choice but to sip. It was a sweet drink, tasting like strawberry and mint. He knew this taste but he was sure that it wasn’t the drink he would usually order. “ I think you're on the wrong side” answered the doctor as he tried to overcome his headache. “ am I really? What if I tell you that being good doesn't always mean being with the law?” A darkness deep within Jim's eyes consumed him and the only thing he could do, was to think about the stars and the moon. The fire in Jim Moriarty was nothing like the one he had found in Sherlock. It was more of a blaze.

John shook his head as he chuckled. “The law is there for a reason”,”So it’s right to shoo away homeless people who have nowhere else to go?”,”They don’t have to be homeless”, “you don’t have to be captured by me too, but yet you couldn’t do anything against it.” 

Silence. 

“So you’re telling me that a world without police would be more peaceful?” The doctor could barely keep his eyes open, but didn’t want to lose consciousness just yet. He wanted to know more. “I am telling you, that the world would be better without racist, prejudiced and aggressive policemen. But the government is too orchestrated by the rich and powerful. They don't have the guts to actually change anything. This whole system is a lie, the class system still exists and the poor will become poorer as the rich will become richer.” scoffed the criminal and kneeled in front of the former soldier in order to pierce through the ocean of John's eyes. This feeling was something John had never experienced before and while he himself was being consumed by the obscurity in front of him, he couldn't help but to see the reflection of the daylight, the bright, blue of his own soul. Eyes were the door to one’s true self, so they said. “What does he do, that makes you being so loyal for him? He’s just manifesting this whole…” Jim shook his head wildly and managed to smile at the doctor. At the same time as the corner of his lips went up, John knew that there was a deep sadness behind those eyes.  
“Don’t you see?” the black haired asked the other and again John wondered what else was behind those dark, lonely mirrors of a man who would easily be able to blow up the Parliament of London.

Finally, the doctor could see. He understood, that he no longer needed to be in awe but in sympathy. Somehow John could see that the criminal wasn’t having bad intentions. He was doing this all on purpose, there somehow was a reason for the things he did, which John had blamed to be bad all this time. Somehow, Jim's breaking turned out to be one John was able to understand. “Can’t you see that he’s dragging you into this mess?”, “I know.”, “You could be happier. Safer. Come with me.” 

Come with him?

Jim looked at him full of expectation, even though they both knew that he couldn’t. He wouldn't. The vulnerable man didn’t even need to communicate this, because Jim had understood him already. More of that non definable drink was poured into John's mouth and he could feel some of it dripping down the edge of his mouth. The doctor felt more and more dizzy. “Someday,” The taller man promised him, as he gently caressed John’s cheek. 

What they had was a twisted relationship, John knew that, but somehow Jim Moriarty had managed to touch his heart. When had this happened? When had John suddenly fallen for the man who wanted to kill his best friend? Was it after all those letters had arrived? After they had all of these strange conversations whenever Jim kidnapped him? Was he now a case of Stockholm syndrome?

“ we will make this world a better place. And you will see that Sherlock Holmes is no more than an imposter.” At this point, John could barely hear Jim’s words anymore. Still, he knew that he was being taken care of. “Till..next time” mumbled John. Then, his ship of thoughts slipped into a sea of nothingness.

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Don’t jump. Don’t jump. don’tjumpdon’tjumpdon’tjumpdon’t----

Tic Toc 

“Did you miss me?” The doctor startled and turned around in an instant. He still was walking down the grotty street as he detected the sound of a familiar voice. Could it be? No- Jim Moriarty was dead and he had shot himself on top of that roof. The day Sherlock had jumped down and…. Before John could calm down, the voice appeared again, in a kind of loop. John stared across the street. There was an electronic store where all screens suddenly were showing Jim Moriarty’s face and repeated those words. Jim Moriarty now was all over piccadilly circus, all over London and all over John’s mind.

“Did you miss me?” 

The ex soldier wanted to scream from the top of his lungs, he wanted to throw something against the glass that protected the face he had dreamed about for the past 3 years. “Fuck you..” muttered the broken man as he slowly turned into the direction of the shop. He began to walk, one step after another, feeling the anger growing inside of himself. The circus lion was set free and it certainly wasn't happy about the things that had happened to him. “Fuck you..!” Quickly, without looking, John firmly started to cross the street. He just wanted to stop the sound of the whip that had been turning his days into hell. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Death. He was surrounded by death and all colours around him were faded. The world felt grey, numb and without any life in it. Was this how afterlife would be? Without any feelings? The colours of the sky were nothing more than the feeling of the dry air of afghanistan, which he could remember so clearly .He remembered his throat feeling like a scratch tree for cats because of the lack of water. The last time he had felt this way had been the day he had held his friend in his arms, himself being shot in the shoulder, while trying to save his life. After everything he had done John couldn’t have saved him. Now everything felt dull and empty. All the people John had loved were dead. “One more miracle Sherlock” He hadn’t realized that he had loved him until the day of his funeral and John knew that he had spent years with hiding from happiness. Not only Sherlock was dead, but Jim Moriarty too. Afghanistan was London and London was no more than a bloody battlefield.

“Tell me what you wanted to say” Ella smiled softly. This was the third time she asked him the same question and John had avoided to answer her so far. He sighed. What would it change to tell her? They were dead, nobody could blame him for missing them. Of course there was now Mary next to him, but he was sure that he wasn’t in love. There was something, of that he was certain, but this wasn’t what love felt like. This was company. She was a companion and no more. “I was in love with my best friend.” Ella nodded. “You said it”, “I also said the word ‘was’. This is the past I’m talking about” he could feel the anger swelling up inside of himself, could feel how it slowly climbed up his throat and scratched his lips in order to come out. Over the past two years John had been able to control his feelings and all of a sudden they were bursting out all at once. “the worst part of this-” he silenced himself and Ella raised her eyebrow, expecting words to come out of John. She gave him her ‘I know you want to say something’-glance. There was no way around this dilemma, he knew that. 

“I compensate these feelings. By falling in love with his nemesis”

Tic Toc Tic Toc

There was no pain when John felt the sheet of metal against his ribs. There was also no pain when his head met the cold, wet ground. All he could do was to stare into the dark roof of the world. It was a nice view, the stars were almost invisible on that night and the moon had the stage just for itself. His memories were shining down to him, as if they were laughing at him for being so stupid. Was this how death felt like? A sweet nothing? Of course Afghanistan had felt differently, back then John had wished to be alive, his throat had hurt from the dryness and everything he could do was to fight the sleepiness. Now his surrounding was bright, filled with less and less colour. John knew that he was losing consciousness, but all he could think of was how the darkness resembled Jim Moriarty and how this darkness could help him to get the answers to all the questions he had asked himself over the years. He wouldn't fight it, not this time. 

Rosie would probably grow up with Molly, as she was the first godparent. Sherlock , who had never agreed to become one, would teach her the strangest things. She would let Sherlock explain to her the story of the Lady In Pink several times until she would memorise every single world just to be closer to her father. How would everyone react? Maybe it wasn’t so bad for them. After all Mary had just died and… It was hard to think. There was no coldness. The rain wasn’t disturbing and his skin felt like it belonged to a stranger. Was this the end of Dr. John Hamish Watson? In the distance he could still perceive the faint voice of Jim Moriarty on those television screens. 

“Did you miss me? Did you miss me? Did you miss me? Did you miss me?” 

But wasn’t Euros safe? Wasn’t she with Sherlock Holmes right now?  
If so… wouldn’t that mean…  
His breathing slowed and John only felt a strange pressure on his chest as he fell asleep.

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Gasping for breath John teared open his eyes and quickly looked around. No sound was able to leave the dry mouth of the wounded soldier. While he tried to somehow move himself, the pain kicked in. John could only contract his body in order to hide from the unbearable pain that struck his body like a lightning “Ughn..” only after a while, which felt like an eternity, the doctor was able to look around the foreign room. It was bright room, no uncomfortable hospital lights, still with lights bright enough to make the room look bigger than it probably was. The big window on the left of John made it possible to recognise some kind of forest. John couldn’t really locate it but he knew that he couldn't be in London anymore. On his right was a table full of medical supplies and a machine which measured his pulse. As a doctor, he instantly realized that this had to be in a hospital, but strangely enough it didn’t seem to be one. Was this a private clinic? 

Common sense told him that this had to do with big Brother who has always been watching him from the start, but his gut told him otherwise. Obviously John wasn’t dead but he also was sure that he wasn’t in a hospital. “I was planning my comeback differently” 

A well-known voice passed through his ears and John abruptly turned his head around, which led to an instant spark of more pain. At first, his sight was blurred, probably because of the amount of sleep he had, but after a few seconds he was able to soak in the familiar person. The tiger leaned against the doorframe. It was clear from the beginning that his golden appearance made anything next to him seem worthless. Suddenly, all the questions in his head disappeared and all he was able to do was to stop time and memorise this moment forever.“Ji-” his voice broke off and the doctor had to cough in order to recover it.“Jim” repeated the patient and didn’t dare to close his eyes, even for a blink, just to … be there. It was one of those moments where you would take a picture with an old Polaroid camera. Just to always look back at it in nostalgia and nobody would be allowed to move, for the picture to turn out nicely. Even if he was dreaming right now, John knew that he just wanted to be able to remember his face for one last time. Maybe John was dead and this was heaven. Maybe this was how one got into afterlife. By having, what one always wished for. “Please don’t speak Dr.Watson, or else I will make sure you’re not allowed to call yourself a doctor anymore. You should be aware that you’re still in a poor condition”. 

It felt like a different world to sit in this unknown bed, in an unknown room, right after… after what? John’s questioning look gave away his confusion and created a smile on Jim’s lips. When said man began to slowly approach John's bed, he felt the cold air accompany him. Jim had always been having this effect on John. No matter when John had experienced the phenomena of Jim Moriarty entering a room, his breath had always stopped. He had always been able to steal away any attention. Even from Sherlock. While walking with the gaze of a predator, John thought that Jim should've become an actor. He would've won every possible award without any problem. The world would’ve adored him and John would have been his biggest fan. Elegantly Jim sat down on the only other furniture in the room, a red armchair, and gave John that strange whatever-it-was-supposed-to-mean- eyebrow. “You had an accident. It was foolish of me to reveal … Well to reveal that I am alive this way. I planned it differently”, “how-” Jim shushed the sick man with a rebuking gaze. “Please. Johnny, let me explain. And stop talking.” The blonde huffed and tried not to concentrate on the pain too much. He could feel every inch on the left side of his body. 

“Look. I wanted to come back sooner but this stupid woman. How does she call herself again?” John opened his mouth to answer his question, it was either Euros or Mary he was sure of that, but Jim shook his head to order John not to speak. “Euros? Who calls herself like that? As if anybody wants to be called like Europe, or the west wind, or something idiotic like that” The consultant criminal flicked his tongue and gave John a disapproving look to illustrate his frustration. “really. Well, if it hadn’t been for her playing the bad girl, I would’ve come back sooner to give you a proper apology”. Only now did John realize that he wasn’t mad. Why wasn’t he mad? 

The petal of yearning had finally touched the ground and the long way of finding its way to the destination, which it couldn't have been able to avoid, had come to it's end. After all that had happened, why should he be mad? there was no use crying or fighting with Jim. The only thing John could actually feel at that moment was, strangely enough, relief. Had it been because he was alive? Or was it because the other one wasn't dead? Neither one or the other seemed to be the right answer. 

“I am sincerely sorry” Whatever the reason for this apology , John believed the man. Over the past years Jim had been the centre of Sherlock’s games and if John knew anything, than that it wouldn't change anything if Jim was lying. For now he decided to just accept these words. Furthermore, this was an apology and those were rare, especially when they came from Jim Moriarty. Those things could be counted as one of the most powerful acts of human speech. What else could he do but to forgive him? After all, he had to thank Jim for rescuing him and saving his life. There was no Mycroft and no Sherlock who could have interfered with the doctor and death. even though Sherlock's older brother was capturing every single rat in the streets of London, it still had been this man right in front of him that had caused his breath to continue. “Sherlock?” came John’s weak voice and Jim, in contrast to the doctors faint voice, sighed loudly. This reaction could only be explained by… jealousy? “I will never be able to shut you up, right?” The former soldier gave a faint grin but simultaneously felt as if his whole body revolted against every single movement. Aware of Jim's gaze, John tried to overplay the soreness of his body and nodded in order for Jim to continue.

“All right , Mr.I-can’t-keep-still, I will continue: she stole my show and tried to play Jigsaw, as you probably already realised. To come back to that woman, I have to admit that I once fell for her stupid play- Don’t look at me like that. I thought she was really an interesting woman. At first. I only realised her skewness later on. Well as I said I fell for her play and she got those recordings.” John made a minor movement with his hand to signal Jim to slow down. He still couldn’t catch all his thoughts because of the medicine that was pumping into his veins. it was hard following Jim's words all at once at that moment.

“Ok. Johnny boy. I’ll make it easy for you so that you can rest in a minute, all right?” A hint of concern crossed his face, before he continued. “I fell for her play, she used recordings of me and I originally planned her for my own comeback. Unfortunately she had to play bad-girl. We reached that point, right?” 

While it seemed to be night outside, the room they both were in was rather bright. It resembled them both; Jim the darkness and John the light. They had been departed until now. What a nice thought. John nodded and found it easier to follow when Jim gave him a short summary from now to then. He didn’t tell him though. 

“well that wannabe criminal just wanted death. I’m pretty sure she’s using Sherlock recently too, but if he necessarily wants to commit to a serious relationship with his ‘so called sister’,-” the criminal made quotes with his fingers, which led to John giggling. This reminded him of their prior sarcastic conversations. Those, he thought sadly, had been easier times. “ I won’t keep him from doing so. Where was I? Oh right. Well she stole my show and I couldn’t come back because, come on Johnny boy, you know I love to be the center of attention and I couldn’t ,as long as she was there. Well now that she’s back in detention to finish her homework, well, I decided to come back”. Some kind of insect was buzzing outside and John really wanted to know if it was very far from London. His thoughts were still mixed up and he wasn’t really sure if Jim wanted an answer but he couldn’t quite answer him yet. He would have to ask Jim about their location later on. Right now though, he enjoyed to listen to the deep humming of Jim's voice. Each sound the criminal made danced around in the room and happily found its way to John's body. They made him feel a strange affection for his voice and the small special pronunciations Jim formed made John wonder, if Jim was originally from a different place. Maybe irish? “I’m glad you’re back” 

Jim stopped his words for a second to check up on John’s condition and nodded approvingly. “I wanted it to be romantic, you know? You, me, the rain and just my voice in the background. I would’ve carried you through the rain and-” His speech was interrupted by a croaking laughter of John. It was painful but John couldn’t hold it back. Playfully, the criminal began to pout before he couldn't hold back any longer and chuckled along. Really, Jim Moriarty was a child when it came to such ideas. How could he ever have thought that that would be the outcome? “Kissing in the… rain, huh?” asked John and mimicked Jim’s sarcastic eyebrow movement. He couldn’t quite believe that Jim’s idea was the one of them kissing. 

Nervousness got the better of the blonde and he had to overplay his embarrassment with a tat of comedy. After all, they had never been in any sort of romantic relationship for that scenario to actually happen. Not that he would’ve really complained. “all right all right, I admit that’s a bit far away from reality, prince charming, but I really hoped to make a good impression on you. I mean look at me, I haven’t gotten a bit older, what do you think?” The taller one brushed his fingers through his gelled hair and even though John could spot one or two grey hairs, he would never tell Moriarty. Especially after he himself had aged so much. His hair was no longer blonde, he had more wrinkles and he could feel the pain of movement more and more with these days. Getting up from bed was a sore experience by now and all his body had went through in the years wouldn't make it any better. Time had gotten the better of him. 

Still, he couldn’t help himself but to faintly nod at that statement. After all Jim still looked good and he probably looked much younger than he actually was. “Well, It did work out to the point that you finally went outside in the night after weeks of me waiting. BUT,- ” Jim took a deep breath and suddenly seemed… repentant? “You were pissed, just like I expected and walked across the street and... “ Jim moved his gaze away from John and bit his lower lip in an attempt to find the right words. While lying down, John realised what had happened. The lights, the crash and all those voices surrounding him…. “And that stupid driver was drunk and too fast and he got you and-” anger seemed to get the better of Jim Moriarty and his eyes almost turned black while he talked about the events of that night. “Don’t worry though. I took care of that bastard” Oh. Of course. Jim had probably killed that man and, even though John normally wouldn't approve, he couldn't help himself but to feel affection. Recently, his friends seemed to kill more and more people for him , and as sad as it might be, he kinda got used to it. Jim's fingertips gave him a tingling sensation and suddenly he felt lighter than a hot air balloon. Jim Moriarty had killed someone because that someone had hurt him. A mother would do anything to protect her children and a dog owner would kill the person who hurt his pet. 

“Well I thought you would die.” Admitted the older man as his hand slowly moved on top of the blanket. Slowly, like a snake ready to kill his prey, John could feel the strange sensation of Jim’s coolness between the fabric and his own heat. “And I was just across the street, I probably would’ve shot myself on the spot if you wouldn’t have made it.” it was strange to hear those words from someone who had probably murdered more people than John had ever talked to.

The big round candle of the sky lighted up the darkness of the outside world and John couldn’t help himself but to stare out of the window for a moment and to saviour that short silence between them. “Jim” rasped the weak one to the man who looked as if he could conquer the world “thank you”. And then the tiredness caused his eyes to close and his body to fall asleep.

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Days from then on were strange, as Jim took care of John completely. In completely, he meant that there was only the two them. Jim managed to find out things about Jim he hadn’t even thought of. “You’re irish?” asked John surprised as a fork was led to his mouth “choo choo!” Jim playfully cooed around and played a train on the way to the station “I think I can do that on my own by no-” he was interrupted with Jim forcing the full fork into his mouth. “Bfacg to fe qweftion fwim!” The attempt to talk with food in his mouth clearly didn’t go well and he swallowed in order to get it down. The food was good and the doctor wondered if Jim had hired a chef just to cook for his patient. “You’re the cutest when you try to talk with your mouth full. You should do it again with something else in your mouth..” A loud groan left the blonde’s throat before he loudly began to laugh. “You bloody moron! I will not do that”, “What?”, “Don’t let me voice it” Jim grinned smugly and the younger one decided not to answer that question. “Ireland” was the only word that left John’s lips. “Penis” answered Jim and if he wouldn’t have been fed a few seconds ago, he would’ve spit out the food right into Jim Moriarty’s beautiful face. “You arse!” cursed John. This was how they talked. It was strange, but nice. During the days, John couldn’t do things on his own and it kind of worked out just fine like this. Each day John was able to get through the solid teflon that called himself Moriarty. At one point, John believed, the ice broke and Jim actually gave him a bit of detail about himself.

“Kilkenny was the city I grew up in” was the answer John received a week after he had asked Jim about his origin. “I had a twin brother but he kind of died because I ate him in my mother’s womb” a laugh followed that testimony, but it broke off after John realised that Jim looked deadly serious. “seriously?” asked the younger man and couldn’t quite believe what the other man had just said. “Seriously. He was too weak to survive and only one of us could make it. I guess I inherited this behaviour when I decided to make money with killing off people”, “About that”, “shush Johnny boy. Don’t become greedy or I have to smack your cute arse as soon as you’re able to walk again.” These conversations were a tennis play and John was only waiting for the day where one of them missed to hit the ball. Some days Jim would tell him more about himself, on others not so much. John was sure about that. “If it’s you who smacks, how can it be any punishmen...t…?” the moment those flirtatious words left John’s lips, his face turned bright red like a tomato. If a person got smacked with a cake right into their face, it still wouldn’t be as embarrassing as the thing John H. Watson had just said. Without looking he could feel the surprisement of Jim that followed John’s declaration. “Oh you sweet little…” Before the sentence could be ended, Jim held himself back. “Don’t say things you might regret Johnny”. Things he would regret? John himself wasn’t even sure if he regretted those words or if they were just the right amount of sugar in his veins that would lead to him feeling that needed rush.

Quickly after that John changed the topic and just let the whole flirt blow away. He wasn’t sure if he was unleashing a monster right now, but hell, he would never regret words like that. Those, that would result into Jim Moriarty looking at him with a fire of desire. 

When Jim left in the evenings, he always made sure to check on John’s medical being. He was just supposed to yell if anything was wrong. According to Jim, he would then just come. Of course he hadn’t had the need to scream for him like a damsel in distress yet, but it was good to know, that he wasn’t left alone. 

And then, when Jim closed the door behind himself, it was just John and the infusion, playing a beat that would always calm him down. Usually his thoughts would then start to deal with all the other things beside the consulting criminal. Sherlock, Molly, Mrs. Hudson and Rosie. How he probably would never really forgive Jim. But that was ok. You didn’t need to forgive someone just to be with him.

Compared to others, this day was different. Today, something had slipped out of his lips that led him into a whole different imagination. He had flirted. With a man. Jim Moriarty of all possible men in the world. There was one question that lingered back there, in the depths of his brain that had mocked him the whole day since the small incident. What did he want from all this? He knew what he wanted but could he really live like this? 

Could he just leave his family behind, his daughter, his best friend and his job? Just in order to live with the most dangerous man he could think of? 

At the same time that John had all those doubts, his heart pounded loudly against his ribs. When he thought of those dark lust-filled eyes, everything froze, but in a heated way. If there was a train coming at you, you had a fair amount of time to leave. But if you decided to stay, you had to deal with the consequences of being hit. If he would choose to be with Jim, there would be no way to dodge the myriad of scars that would result out of this. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Amazingly enough, almost 5 weeks had passed until John could finally move himself without feeling as if his bones would snap into half. It had taken him long enough to heal but he guessed that came with his age. When he managed to walk through the room for the first time, Jim had held his hand tightly for safety. It had given the doctor a strange, warm and comfortable feeling of security. Again, the man who was known for killing others for a living, turned into a gentle man. One, that John could actually imagine to… be with. 

Without realising, Jim and John somehow managed to talk for hours each day, about the stupidest topics. They never once mentioned Sherlock or Rosie in those conversations. One way or another, even without exposing his own fears, John was capable to catch a glimpse of the real Jim Moriarty. Whenever the black haired talked about his work, he managed to twist his words into sweet candy floss that John just wanted to absorb. He talked about mafia bosses he had managed to shut up, building bombs, and about how they made sure that they were safe from anyone disturbing their sweet little spot in the woods. 

“Jim” the man, who surprisingly never wore a suit at home again, looked up from his phone, with whom he had been occupied for the past twenty minutes. “I want to go home” The other’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help but to abruptly rise up from the red chair he had rested in. “You can’t” he managed to bring out, his words feeling like those of a child that really wanted to hide something. Annoyance began to swell up deep inside of him. “why not?”, “John you don’t understand. You are dead.” 

John looked at his… friend? Saviour? Lover? What was Jim? What might he be? Well, he looked at his whatever-Jim-was and pointed at the machine that was clearly displaying good medical results. He had been getting better with each day “I am clearly alive, or else I would probably stand behind you in a white blanket and scream ‘booohooo’ all the time” Jim chuckled but managed to win back his cold and dismissing expression at once. “No, you don’t understand. You’re dead to them. They all attended your funeral. Even Sherlock and Mycroft believe you’re gone. Your detective is miserable. Molly Hooper and Mrs. Hudson are taking care of Rosie while they both began to meet a psychiatrist and try to get a hold of raising her. You are no longer alive to the outside world John.” John remained silent for a few seconds before he catched Jim’s view on him. “Jim what about Rosie? What about.. I can’t just leave them… her behind.” Jim surely understood, didn’t he?  
Mood and atmosphere in the room had suddenly changed, as if a volcanic eruption had taken place. The easiness, which they’ve had communicated in with each other for the past few weeks, disappeared and Jim shook his head. “You can’t just go back to Sherlock and make everything fine again! I will be devastated!” That was it. Something snapped. As much as he enjoyed being with Jim, he couldn’t just leave his one and only child behind. ”why the bloody hell not? You both left me thinking I was dead for more than two years! Why can’t I reappear after … what has it been? A month? A nothing?!” Sparks filled the air between them and a lighting was about to crash down. What was going on, was a storm that would be able to turn into a tornado if they didn’t stop it. 

Jim grunted unhappily and gave John a cold, disapproving gaze. “Well if you want them to hate you, go ahead. If you want to leave, go ahead! I don’t need you. I just saved your life!” The doctor felt the urge to stand up from his bed and to just leave the room. Yet, he knew that he couldn’t just avoid this conversation. He had always done that with Sherlock. And that got them nothing but a distance relationship.

Jim was different though. It was clear that he wouldn’t just let him leave. Both of them would shout until their throats would turn sore. Until there was nothing left except abandonment. Nobody wanted that. Or was everything just another game, another trick for Jim? “Why the hell should they hate me? Wouldn’t they be grateful?! A loving person coming back? They’ve seen enough of them! As if you haven’t done the same!” Jim didn’t answer and his look gave him away. John knew that something was going on. “Jim. What did you do?” He shook his head. “you just can’t go back”, “Jim. Answer me. Don’t you dare avoid my questions again. I can’t bear losing you. Not again. I’ve had enough of this!” urged John and began to move from his laid back position into a sitting one. He was about to stand up and confront Moriarty, face to face. “ What the hell are you doing?” As the enigmatic man realised that John wanted to move, he couldn’t help himself but to break their anger for a short moment. Quickly he came closer to stop John from getting up. His hand carefully holding down the other’s. “You shouldn’t stand up. You’re not well enough yet” John shook his head “bollocks. Now tell me what you did. How did I die?” 

After a full minute of silence, John only knew because he counted the low ticks of the clock, Jim turned around and crossed his arms. The doctor couldn’t help but to stare at the back of his head and wonder, when he had begun to feel this hate-love affection for the other. Even more so, he wondered, when it had begun to feel this good. “You threw yourself in the thames after you couldn’t live with the whole situation anymore. You addressed Sherlock and explained to him that you were disgusted by his behaviour, that you once loved him but had grown to hate him over the years. Rosie made you go mad, because you couldn’t sincerely love her after Mary’s death. Everything you wanted to do, was to just disappear”. The criminal turned around again and gave John the chance to examine the emotions on Jim’s face. 

The smaller man realised a grief in Jim Moriarty’s eyes that he had never before seen. If he would need to describe Jim’s face to anyone, John would describe it with the feeling you had, when you walked down the beach at night and felt the tide swimming over your feet. Something dark, yet soothing. A light heaviness, that had the strength to drag you into the depths of the sea.

“And if you go… I have to chase you again John… I have to play the cat again an Sherlock will be my mouse. He will hide you, like, you know, in Tom and Jerry!” frustrated, he swinged his hands, curled to fists, through the air. Over the top, like the old Moriarty. “ I’m sick of this hiding, I’m sick of doing all these things just to get a glimpse of you. I can’t miss you aging again! I can’t miss hindering your wedding or stealing you away. I want to be here. I don’t want to miss out anymore. I want to be… Next to you.” Concern filled John’s body while Jim’s hands turning even whiter from the pressure of his nails into his pail, white skin.

There was no anger left in John. All he could feel, was this lingering need to touch Jim. Just to stop himself from hurting his precious skin. 

When the tiger came closer, the dog realised what was about to happen next. His heart was about to be ripped apart into countless pieces and the only one who would be able to sew it back together was the one who had destroyed it. Jim Moriarty was confessing his feelings. “I want you to be next to me, to be mine. I can’t afford to lose you again or I will completely lose my mind. I will go crazy all over-” He suppressed a comment about how Jim was already mad as hell. Rather than that, John didn’t let a single word slip. Not in a million times would he want to destroy this moment.

In a flash John found Jim kneeling in front of himself. Smaller, more vulnerable than he had ever been. There was no play of power right now, no manipulation, no borders that could separate them. Everything stood still, the walls disappeared and all that was there was the nudity of a man confessing his love. “I love you John Hamish Watson. And I’m the stupidest human being on earth. I should’ve never gone, never used you. You managed to selfishly take my heart away. It’s the fault of your stupid jokes and bright, blue, mesmerizing eyes. They make me go crazy and all I want is to carefully cut them out of your beautiful face in order to be able to have them all for myself. Forever.” Well, that was strange, John wouldn’t disagree with anyone calling him crazy for falling right now, but he could not take his eyes of the kneeling man in front of him. “ In the strangest situations you showed me your unpredictable sides. Compassion that I had never received before. You colour my black world in light with your love for small things like jumpers and jam. You were the first one to not look at me with the eyes of a victim because you were not afraid.” Jim’s voice became lower and lower while it cracked more and more with each word. “You never feared me, you enjoyed our fist fights of words”

It felt as if he was ashamed, but proud at the same moment, to say all these things in front of a man he normally would probably have already killed. Jim was probably as confused as John. “You gave me the chance to be me and not only Moriarty. I was no murderer for you, I was a man who enjoyed saving the world in his own ways. John, I love you.” When had the last time been that John’s heart had pounded as loudly as it was at that moment? It was thumping and beating and hitting against the wall of his chest and it was about to explode for sure. 

Shakingly, John’s hands slowly moved to Jim’s face in front of his bed and John gently brushed through that thick, black hair. It was strange to see the most powerful man John knew in such a vulnerable position. As they sat there, in silence, his hands moved on their own and cupped Jim’s jaw. 

There was a chance of worlds clashing together, creating a black hole. And John knew, there would be no going back from this moment on. He dedicated himself with this action. He forced the other to look right into the aquamarine of his own eyes. Somehow, if he ever would’ve imagined their first kiss, it wouldn’t have been like this. But it was the most beautiful moment in John’s life.

The emptiness, which had filled the deserted man those past few months, suddenly vanished. All the doctor could feel now, was how his blood cells filled with warmth of affection. Everything in his body tingled and John suddenly felt energised from head to toe. This was it and John knew exactly what it was. He didn’t need to put it into words and slowly pulled the older man closer to his own lips. Without thinking about it he captivated Jim into a deep kiss. Astonishment spread through his body as Jim’s lips weren’t as soft as John had imagined them to be. Dryness and the taste of peppermint were the first to come to John’s senses. A new side of Jim, one he hadn’t gotten to know yet, was opening right in front of him. The door to Narnia was granting him access and John knew that he wouldn’t be able to restrain his curiosity. Or ever go back. 

Without any warning Jim’s surprise of the sudden kiss ebbed away and the taller man pressed against John’s face. Suddenly there was no longer any kneeling, but full embracement. The friction that had previously filled the room now changed into something more, something between their mouths and John felt like the day he had shot a man for the first time. The adrenaline was kicking in, the sensation of being needed and everything was just right.

This was love, John was sure of it but he understood that this was a different kind of love from the one he had felt for Sherlock. Or Mary, Rosie or even Harry. A much more dangerous one and John knew that, now that he was captured in the world named obscurity, he wouldn’t be able to free himself from these chains. It was more of a need, a yearning for more. More of those lips, more of the darkness. More of everything.

Jim Moriarty would own him completely. Never would the doctor be able to fight against this feeling, as it was too sweet. This man had managed to win over his heart in seconds, after all the nightmares and fears. After everything he had done to John, he couldn’t help himself but to think that he had done all those things to just be closer. This love would be a slow suicide, one that would completely possess him. He would never be able to be alone from this very moment. Every kiss would be another pill, leading him closer in death’s hand.

It would all be worth it.

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Later, when they had finally stopped kissing each other like teenagers, John had situated himself between Jim’s right arm and his chest. The adonis he laid on, gently tickled the neck of the blonde, ordinary man. This was all new to him and John felt as flying with the one he had thought to be untouchable. “I could easily strangle you right now. Your beautiful body would be prepared to be a doll. I could look at it for the rest of my life and would never need to worry about you again. Everyday I could wake up with your gorgeous face, which would be forced to look at me forever. No thought would be able to be spend on Sherlock or anyone else” John made an unpleasant face and rumbled deep within his throat. “You know it would be rather sad if you did that. Who will scold you then? Also sex wouldn’t be quite as fun if I’m dead. And imagine-” Jim laughed out loudly as John tried to somehow convince Jim of his worth. “ There is nothing …- Do you really imagine these things?” 

The criminal grinned and kissed the doctor’s temple. “First of all, of course I wouldn’t preserve you like that. If I had to do that, I would make sure to save a copy of your voice. I wouldn’t have fun at all, with you just laying around and second of all… You talked about..” Jim purred like a cat. How could a human be capable of such a sound? “even though we had none yet, those words alone are enough to convince me of letting you live” he smirked like a tiger which had luckily found a prey. God, what had John agreed to? But he must admit, that it felt nice to be so close.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself” mumbled the doctor indignant. Everything was floating. There was this lightheartedness between them that only connected could share. Two doves singing the song of love. Oldschool and way too romantic, but just the words that could express how he felt right now. “You were the one who started talking about it” commented the dark haired before their conversation was interrupted by Jim’s phone. Buzzing loudly, it shook the small table with medicine supply next to John’s bed. “sorry Darling, I have to take that”, “Darling?!” asked John playfully enraged, but before he could scold the other man for calling him like that, Jim already was on his phone.

“Yes? No... No. Yes... Go ahead. No, it’s not. Make sure he won’t be able to go there. Yes. Ah. Ok, tell Moran to keep an eye on her. If anything happens, make it look like an burglary. Is it really necessary?” Jim massaged his forehead before he began to untangle his arm beneath John and slowly rose up from the bed. “alright. I’ll be there in 6 Minutes” 

The predator couldn’t help himself but to give John an apologetic smile. “Listen, I have to go and probably won’t be back before thursday. But from today on, you have access to the whole apartment. You should get started on moving again before your muscles are going to die. I’ll need them when I come back” joked Jim and gave John a small peck on his cheek. Meanwhile, the doctor just felt his face heat up. “Downstairs is a gym, there’s a walking machine installed for you. The kitchen is filled with food and if you’re too bored to cook, you can call the number on the fridge. They will bring you whatever you need. You won’t be able to talk to them as in shit-shat, but they’ll take care of you.” a bit annoyed that Jim already had to leave, John tried to grab him. As if Jim had seen it coming, he playfully bit John’s finger to stop him. “There is also a big shower and a Computer room if you need one.” Getting up, he continued. “I can’t allow you to use the internet freely yet but you should be able to access sites like Youtube and media pages. No commenting though, all through a secured system. Are you ok on your own?” asked John’s lover - lover?- before he adjusted his shirt. John just nodded.

“When I come back, I will eat you up and make you mine” Those words felt like butter melting on top of a freshly baked pancake. Why did the other manage to woe him so easily, while John still laid in his bed, not able to do much? 

Without thinking he threw a cushion at Jim’s back. “bastard” mumbled the blonde before nodding. “I’ll be alright on my own. I guess. Do you have a library?” Jim nodded with a sweet smile. It was sweeter than any Jam the doctor had ever tasted and he knew he would never want another sort. “Yes, it’s right next to the gym. I have to go now though. I’m already later than I intended to be. I hate to go, but I’ll be back soon. Promise.” One last kiss and Jim Moriarty was gone. 

Emptiness filled the bright room and for the first few minutes John only stared out of the window, into the woods. What had just happened? It was strange to be on his own after weeks of having Jim’s company and even stranger after they had just kissed. Just a brief moment of pure bliss, and now cold reality crushed down to him. 

Normally, John would want to spend all possible time with new partners, but he was well aware of the fact that Jim was a busy man who… blew up houses and killed people. Well, this would lead to an honest conversation some day, John was sure about that. 

At first, he wouldn’t leave his bed, and only after an hour or so, John allowed himself to open the door of his room for the first time. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed a different surrounding and was happy to see some new furniture. Everything in this apartment was strangely comforting and the doctor couldn’t help but to smile at everything he had always imagined to be a part of Jim’s home. The apartment was brimful of wooden furniture and even though each electronic device was up to date, it still made John feel as if he suddenly was set into the past. A time, where no mobile phones disconnected people, a time where everyone had just lived. Oftentimes, he had wondered how such a simple life must have been. Would he have stil met Sherlock in a victorian time? Probably not. It was more likely that he would have died because of some incurable disease. 

The first thing John allowed himself to do, was to make himself a proper meal. He couldn’t eat much of it but the feeling of a proper tuna pasta just made him explode with bliss. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc


	2. Touch me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smexy time! 
> 
> The thrill to gift Jim his full trust of life and death, was all he needed. It was hot. When the pressure decreased, Jim gave John a lingering and heated kiss.
> 
> “Say goodbye to the man you have been until now” grumbled the deep voice of the man he slowly began to fall for even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is NSFW btw. 
> 
> I've managed to edit some more today. Hope you enjoy! I know this fandom is a almost dead by now, but I kinda really want to be a published author someday and I hope to improve my writing by publishing SOMETHING. I'm so bad at finishing stories, that it kinda motivate me to publish this stuff!
> 
> There's still more to come. I might have been too optimistic by saying 2 chapters! I have 24 more pages to edit, so it might take some time. But as I said, this story is finished. You will definitely get the whole thing! Just give me a few days :)

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Light and pain. Those were the things John dreamed about the night Jim returned. Sweat filled the room and the walls were painted with nightmares. When he was woken up, he caught those dark, familiar eyes. It took a few seconds before John realised that this was no longer a dream. Was it thursday already? He had lost track of all time. “Jim” whined John, still not completely freed from the nightmares. Those chains would always be a part of his nightly routine. 

“I’m here” said the husky voice. Night no longer felt hazardous when darkness itself took care of him. Cold skin, as if Jim had been outside just a few minutes ago, created a contrast between the heated body of John. All he could smell now was the perfume of autumn. How he had missed the smell of leafs. It was a mix of freedom, hecticness and too much work that created the most alluring scent John had ever smelt. 

When Jim’s arms closed him into an embrace, John could let go of fear completely. Finally, he was able to breathe steadily and just take in Jim’s smell. “What did you dream about?”, “The accident” was all that left the younger one’s lips before his eyes finally adjusted to the dark bedroom. A chaotic man was hovering above him and a small smile managed to find its way onto the curves of John’s lips. Looking like he had just been out for a run suited Jim. Immediately he had the urge to just rummage through that black mess right in front of him, but decided to just soak in the beauty of the beast in front.

“where have you been? You look like you’ve been in a storm”, “I couldn’t help but run to you when I heard you screaming in your sleep. I guess my love for you must have just messed me up” Teasingly, Jim accompanied his words with a loving bite on John’s earlobe. Of course Jim was avoiding the question at hand, but right now, he couldn’t care less. Stubbles and cold skin created a comfortable feeling in John’s lower abdomen. Maybe he could just warm Jim up a little bit. “rumors say, I have an outstanding warming effect on others” chuckled John and within less than a few seconds, he found himself in a kiss. Before he knew it better, Jim was gently nibbling on his lower lip, while his cold fingers danced over John’s skin. Willingly, John granted access and gave in to the heat of Jim’s tongue. Slowly, the tiger began to explore every single nook of John’s mouth. Fire and ice were caught in a passionate dance to create the most outstanding explosion of desire.

Jim’s touches were like a waterfall. They were not easy to spy from the top but when you were at the edge of it, you couldn’t help but to fall into the depth. And right now, everything John wanted to do was to fall deeper in Jim’s embrace. 

Just like that, Jim’s tongue slowly started to lick down the doctor’s neck. Carefully, he sucked at his skin to leave a mark. One of many, John was sure. When the sensation of Jim’s Hand caused John to voluntarily open his legs, he quickly could feel muscular thighs pressing against his wrapped cock. “god” moaned the blonde suddenly. There was a short moment of embarrassment, where John’s whole body trembled because of the sounds he was making. But before he could hold himself back, a demanding voice whispered sweet nothings. “Don’t stop yourself. Embrace it.” Heavily breathing, John buried his fingers into the other man’s arms and nodded shakingly. This whole experience was new to him, but right now there was nothing he wanted more than to be touched by Jim. 

There were Jim’s fingers on top of John’s shirt, fumbling with it until it came off and exposed his heated body. Scarred skin was revealed in the darkness of their bedroom and slowly but, with a self-confidence John had never observed on another human being before, cold fingertips began to trace each single one. His body still hurt from his accident but the distraction of lust and love painted over each bruise. His scars were from cases, from the accident or a gift he had to carry from afghanistan. One was even a gift by Jim himself. Said man’s touch felt like a strangely satisfying disharmony. It was an odd dance between those cold, reckless fingers and the heat of John’s skin. The whole thing was intense and so intimate, that John would not have been able to describe it to someone else. Being touched by a loved one was one thing. Being touched by the one you yearned for, was so much more.

The shirt was carelessly thrown to the ground and a hot pleasure began to flick against John’s nipple. First, it was a gentle nibbling and all John could do was to make embarrassing noises and squirm beneath the other. Fingers deep into his skin. Although Jim was good at distracting him with pleasure, John still was able to recognise the sound of his zipper being opened. 

Time froze. Without any sense, Jim was pushed away with shaking hands. Heated air filled the room, there were erratic breaths and John knew, that if he wouldn’t say anything, the moment would be killed away, destroying their intimacy. “I…” The black cat gazed down on the exposed doctor and moved his own hand on top of John’s. Somehow, this seemed to calm him down at least a little bit. Both were rested on the dark haired chest. “John, is there something wrong?” John’s trembling fingers were led to Jim’s mouth and gently inserted into the heat of Jim’s tongue. Unsure about this, the doctor just looked at the scene in front of him and felt as if he would burst. How could he do something this stupid, shoving away his lover, while said was a man with lots of experience? 

“I never…” he couldn’t finish the sentence. Slowly, Jim’s tongue started to dance to the doctor’s heartbeat again, before letting go of his fingers. “Oh Johnny… you’re making me go into delirium” Of course John wasn’t a virgin in common sense, but he had never slept with a man before. This was all new to him and… if he had just been more open about it. After all, there was no manual on how to do these things. “undress yourself” Incredulous, John glared at his partner. “What?”, “You heard me” whispered Jim with a warm, crispy voice. The taller man retreated from John and looked at him until said began to undress himself. “Trust me” lured Jim faintly and simultaneously began to unbutton his shirt. The dark, tempting eyes led John to trust his leading part and do as commanded. It was a song, composed just for John, to let his fears slip away.

Of course, he was in a fluster, just like back when he had lost his virginity to that girl back in 1996. And right now? Now his throat felt as dry as in afghanistan, his voice stuck high up there with excitement and anxiety. John slowly began to pull his trousers down and was left lying in his underwear. When his eyes finally found their way up to Jim’s again, he was also undressed. Unlike him, he stood completely naked, with a lean body, muscular, well built and scarless. How had Jim managed to remain so pure, while representing darkness? Jim was wearing a blank canvas, so white, yet so filled. John wanted to leave his mark on that perfect statue. While he fantasized about all possible outcomes of this night, the blonde’s chest warmed up as he soaked in the beauty of Jim’s figure. His own body was damaged to the point that even his ribs were now covered in ugly memories, and yet Jim was capable of loving him. Full of doubt, there was the proof of lust and encouragement right in front of him. Standing, pulsating. 

“You are beautiful” Tears formed under the edges of John’s ocean blue eyes. Those words were all he needed to accept Jim’s love. “When I see those messages, written by all the pain you went through, on your body, I want to mark you myself. Forever. I want to write my name deep into your bones” A shudder pierced through John’s body and everything inside him was in an urge to just get closer to Jim and his… Oh god his good member. For a moment, John had to close his eyes and wet his dry lips. Holy jesus, Jim definitely was well equipped down there. It wasn’t as if the doctor himself was small, but he was more or less just slightly over the average. Compared to that huge thing though… If he had to imagine that Jim wanted to shove that monster into John’s body, he was sure that he would lose consciousness. 

“pleasantly surprised?” mocked the other as he fully revealed his long and pulsing cock to the blonde one, while soaking in the almost naked body, laying on the bed. John couldn’t answer properly. All he would be able to do, was moan. The only reasonable answer was, to slowly push down his boxers. His own Penis was erect as well, leaking, while being completely exposed to the other men. John couldn’t bear Jim’s piercing gaze and crossed his legs in shame. Those beautiful, predatory lips licked themselves and there was a loud growl coming from Jim’s throat as he was ready to behead his prey. “you look astonishing Johnny boy…” John was now half lying, half sitting in front of Jim. There was no way he would be able to completely hide himself from this man and he knew that there would never be any escape from Jim Moriarty. The latter was kneeling on the bed, showing of his size to John, and taking in all of John’s body. It was clear, that he wanted to mark him everywhere. While still hiding himself, there was more than just a heavy desire lying in the air. This would be a milestone in their relationship, an event that would change both of them forever. From this moment on, he would be Jim’s completely.

“Johnny. I ensure that you, and I, will never ever forget this night.” As if Jim was cast under a spell, his lips were forming everything the younger one wanted to hear. Seducingly the powerful crawled on top of the exposed doctor and made him feel completely trapped. In a way so good, that he couldn’t even had imagined. The shadow would swallow every single inch of him, until it would be completely gone, lost into the tempting darkness. When Jim’s now heated fingers slowly started to touch John’s knees, a shudder was sent through his body. Jim would be his first and last all at the same time. He was the clock that would trap him at 12 am each single day like a loop, he would never be able to escape from. “when you look as vulnerable as you do right now, I am almost not able to hold myself back” growled the older one deeply. “You have no idea how many times I have undressed and just taken you in my dreams.” slowly, but with just enough pressure, Jim began to open up John’s legs and gave him the most passionate look he had ever undergone. 

“I have done everything to you in my imagination” until now, John had never known that he would react this much to dirty talk. There was no way that Jim hadn’t realised that John’s cock had extended to it’s full length. “I have made you mine completely. I have marked your whole body, I have made sure that nobody else touches you. And I will do all these things in reality. Because John Watson…” When Jim’s lips touched John’s inner thighs his body did not only tremble but his hips automatically moved upwards just to take in more of that touch. Fire was slowly creeping up his inner walls and his brain was being filled with pure lust. It burned him to an point of exaggerated desire, causing his voice to create sounds he had never heard before.

“You are mine”. 

Their first kiss had sealed the pact and these words, this night, were Jim’s signature. A vow that he would never let him be free again. It was more than hollow word’s, there was an emotional touch to Jim’s words and John’s body signaled him flood in joy. These pledges were exciting; they were creating a bond between two men that would become closer than any other couple. Jim’s speech made John feel excited, it was this rush of adrenaline he had been aching for all these years, never knowing it had been so close all the time.

He wasn’t able to explain how the thought of completely belonging to Jim could do so much for him. All he could do, was to let his fingers curl into those soft, black curls. Suddenly, there were hot lips on John’s shaft and a loud “Oh!!” escaped the blonde’s lips. If Jim would continue to stimulate him like this, John would probably need to rip apart his sheets. Without any second thought. Gently, Jim grabbed John’s thigh, gave them a slight scratch and almost drew blood from his sensitive thighs. Sitting in John’s mouth, a plead for more filled his moans. “Oh god.. Jim…” The passionate man was filling up John’s hunger and an even stronger desire began to built up in an already heated, lusting body. Creating thoughts became harder with each inch that Jim swallowed him and when he finally filled his mouth completely, John just fell. Deeper and deeper, until he fell into absolute darkness called Jim Moariarty.

Jim continued to do that thing, whatever it was he was doing, with his tongue. “Oh fuck, holy jesus, yes don’t stop” mumbled the blonde senseless. None of his words were making any sense anymore and desire caused his words to end in meaningless curses and encouragements. John would come and he would come way too soon, he knew that. The former soldier gently grabbed Jim by his shoulders and before he knew anything, Jim let go of John’s cock and glared at him in pure lust “I want to fuck you so hard Johnnyboy” his voice was very low and John was melting just by the sound of it. Jim sounded almost desperate but John was glad to comply to his wishes. “I would just thrust into you until all you could do would be screaming my name” and with that, John suddenly came. The pure imagination of being turned over and being taken was too much for the former soldier. His thoughts went crazy and hot come spreaded all over John’s abdomen. The realisation of John’s ability to come from words like these made Jim’s eyes turn even darker and John knew that he would regret it at some point.

“I didn’t even touch you” growled Jim hungrily, not judging. Raw meat was thrown right in front of the tiger’s hungry eyes and he would no longer be able to hold back. “Normally I would smack your cute ass for coming without my permission, but I’ll let this one go through because…” Jim moved down his head and licked John’s sperm from his navel. John couldn’t help himself but to moan and squirm. How could one man be such a fucking turn on? “You looked so beautiful coming all over yourself.” John tried to look down and when he saw how hard and leaking Jim was, he knew that he wanted to feel the older one as close as possible.  
They would not be able to have penetrative sex tonight, John was after all a doctor and Jim probably knew that he would want to be prepared enough before anything happened, but John knew that he was going to help his partner with his little, no, big, problem. “fuck… Jim please” John pleaded and he enjoyed the feeling of Jim crawling on top of him. They were teenagers no more, and John knew that he wouldn’t be able to go for a second round just yet, but he wanted to feel Jim at his peak. His lover’s lower body touched John’s inner thighs and when he did so it caused the muscular man to let out a sharp breath. Holding back seemed to be a speciality of Jim, as he harshly bit into John’s shoulder. No longer in control, Jim rubbed his penis against the heat of his lover’s body. All they could do now was breathing loudly, moaning and grunting curses to each other. “fuck Johnny..”, “Jim… so good.” and shortly after, Jim emptied himself on top of John.

Heaviness landed on top of John’s chest as Jim couldn’t help himself but slumped down on John’s scarred body. A sharp pain pierced through him but considering they had touched each other for the first time, John could easily ignore the aching ribs.. “next time,” breathed Jim heavily and sucked in a deep breath of John’s scent. “I will make you come several times” John couldn’t help himself to chuckle and grabbed Jim’s neck to force him into a passionate cass. “It’s alright..” mumbled the blonde and smiled at the older one. “If I had managed to steal you five years ago, I would’ve made you come 5 times in a row” growled Jim heatedly. A chuckle filled Jim’s bedroom and John couldn’t help himself but to roll his eyes. “WHOA” suddenly, there was movement in their embrace and Jim gave John the most shocking face. “You didn’t just rolled your eyes on me?!” And then they were laughing and just enjoying the moment. John felt like a young man again, able to do everything.

On the next morning, they did the same thing as the night before and that afternoon again and in the evening again. Jim used each opportunity to just open John’s trousers. It all felt like they were teenagers again and after a week of just touching each other daily, James had even shown John some of his sweet sides. “I tell you, I really really like board games. I own like a whole room of them!”, “well then why aren’t there any in this bloody apartment?” Jim stuck out his tongue and suffered a tickling attack from John as he did so. Only after the harmless tiger surrendered, did John let go and hugged the man from behind. “This isn’t my main flat” continued the consulting criminal as he gave John’s small hand a peck. “The one where everything is stored is in London but we can’t go there at the moment.” 

There it was again. John knew that the reason why they couldn’t go back had something to do with Sherlock, or at least Mycroft Holmes. But still. Every damn madman in his life had managed to come back to life once, why wasn’t he allowed to do so? What difference did it make? He had griefed just as much as all his loved one did right now. If not more. 

“it’s crazy” begun the taller man suddenly and gently caressed John’s fingers one by one. Jim always found a way to change the topic. “I’ve never felt this… normal”, “Is that a compliment?”, “I don’t know” admitted Jim as he carefully examined John’s bone structure. Sometimes, John wondered if Jim every really planned on skinning him alive. It probably would be a turn on for him. Strangely enough, it wouldn’t be the worst kind of death for the doctor. “I feel like a person out of these soap tv-shows. You know, the once where they fall in love over a coffee. Your impact on me is crazy” As long as Jim wouldn’t hide himself from John, or die again, John would be happy. Still. John couldn’t get rid of the feeling that the other was suppressing something. “Jim.” They turned to face each other. Something was going on, and John knew that Jim wouldn’t be able to keep his soul’s doors closed forever, but for now he wouldn’t press too much. “Please don’t forget that I know who you are” A short moment of confusion hung in the air before Jim huffed. 

“How can you be Ok with this? Every single Partner I had,” Jim released himself from their embrace and walked towards the big window that was revealing the world outside of this apartment. At some point, Jim had explained to John, that these windows were only transparent on one side, so that nobody apart from them could manage to get a glimpse of them. It was unclear whether or not John would ever find out where they were. “I kill people everyday. Live is nothing of worth for me. At least not most-” shaking his head, Jim began a new sentence. The prior one didn’t seem to convey what he wanted to say. “The people who die because by my hand deserve it, Johnny. They’re bad people. Of course I use their power to increase mine, but I would never describe myself as a hero.” What was Jim trying to say? He cared about money and keeping assholes from governing the world. If it was for him, Jim would probably reign the world on his own, if he could. He didn’t need to explain his reasons. “I have a network full of people who devoted their life to me. I could kill you any second. I probably will do that at some point. Don’t get me wrong, you’re… different, still. That’s the most realistic outcome” John could only chuckle at that. It was funny to see how the madman found himself hanging between the ropes he had build up in this conversation. “I can’t be who I am, but at the same time I never felt as natural as I do right now.” Those words were confusing but somehow John managed to see through the thing Jim tried to convey.

“Go.”, “What?”,”You can leave, you can leave me and you can live a happier life than this. I will try to completely absorb you and I will never let you go. I’m an obsessive man Johnny and at some point I will no longer be able to hold this back.” Dramatically, his hand just pointed at his own body. As if it was something dangerous. “You don’t love Jim Moriarty. You love the Jim I am inside of this flat. You like the things I do to you but you haven’t gotten to know the full me”, “Jim..”, “No. Not Jim. Don’t play as if you’re the victim. It will set free my monster. If you begin to love me more, I will destroy you. I always do.” Something broke off in that voice. The voice that normally was so strong and self-confident now began to crumble. Somehow, his heart beat hard against John’s chest while he saw the mask dissolve Jim had tried to keep on. It wasn’t mockery or pity the doctor felt for the other. All he could feel was empathy. Jim obviously had loved and lost people and now, that things were going… well, he couldn’t cope with that. It was something, John was used to. If he knew one thing, then it was to support Jim through the anxiety that was eating him up.

“John Watson I am giving you the chance right here at this moment. Go back to your life at Bakerstreet, if you want to. Back to Sherlock Holmes and your stupid adventures. I will be the bad guy again and we will be enemies once more” Each attempt to come closer to Jim was blocked by Jim dodging his touches. “Or you stay here and you will never, I mean it, never be able to leave my side. I will begin to treat you like you’re mine and begin to possess you completely. There will be no way out You will need to be mine forever. John.”. It was probably the first time the other had given him an actual choice. The Clock ticked. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc.

For a moment, John was floating in the nothingness of Jim’s words. What was this sudden change of the madman’s behaviour? This seemed odd but his mouth formed the words before he really could think through all possibilities. “Jim. I will stay.” something shifted in the blonde’s intoniation. “This… I don’t know what this is but I don’t even want to go anymore. Not at this point.” 

Everything that happened after those words left John’s lips felt like a fog of heat. First thing he knew was Jim pushing John down by his shoulders. “Tell me that you want to be mine”. Neediness filled Jim’s dark eyes and hunger found a new definition. There was a short pause and John needed to swallow. Faster than intended, he moved up his torso to look into those brown eyes. For now, time felt as if it had stopped. “I will be yours. Yours completely. I want to be owned by you” adrenaline began to pump through John’s body. Never in his deepest fantasies had John thought that he would speak out such submissive words to another man. When Jim’s hand cupped the doctors throat, his breath was skipping a beat. There was less and less air to breathe but John trusted everything his partner would do from this moment on. It didn’t hurt. The thrill to gift Jim his full trust of life and death, was all he needed. It was hot. When the pressure decreased Jim gave John a lingering and heated kiss. “Say goodbye to the man you have been until now” grumbled the deep voice of the man he slowly began to fall for even harder. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mind was now closed off, away from all the doubts and problems he had formed over the past few days. Performing surgery was his kind of jogging, his way of freeing his mind. This was what he was created for. If he wanted to keep him alive, he had to completely turn himself off. The next ten minutes felt like hell and paradise. Finally, he was able to make the last stitch, and let his body slump back onto the red floor.
> 
> Wounds, heat and updates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have 15 pages to correct as I also add things while editing. I hope you enjoy the new chapter! I managed to do a lot today. If anybody offers to betaread this, I would gladly accept lol. I'm not sure if there's anyone still active in this community but writing about John and Jim kind of fills my heart with joy. I really enjoy writing. Maybe I'll manage to write a book some day. 
> 
> Ps.: Please remember that I'm not a native speaker and have no idea about formatting lol. Hope you still enjoy!

Tic Toc Tic Toc

“Jim” called the doctor out. Crawling over the couch, he leaned over to get a glimpse of his lover. “Yes Johnny boy?” asked the other as he prepared breakfast. Mhh. The smell of childhood, pancakes and happiness filled the room.. “I have a few things I want to talk about.” The dark haired stopped the process of making breakfast and sighed. “I thought you liked being spoiled. Preparing you a breakfast isn’t really something I can do everyday you know..” The younger one chuckled, before he playfully pouted at Jim. “Come on…”, “fine”.

Being Jim’s, he needed some rules. He couldn’t just allow the other to do everything- well he could, but John really wanted some parameters he could rely on. “Go ahead” encouraged Jim his partner, before returning to the stove. A hint of pride filled the doctor. “We agreed on … you know. Me being yours” with an embarrassed cough John tried to find the right words. “I want …” Jim turned around, raising his eyebrow. Not really encouraged, the younger tried to collect his guts. “Well, first of all, I want to have the permission to go outside. I feel…. useless, a bit trapped? I don’t know how to put it” John lowered his gaze and stretched himself a bit to distract Jim from the things he wanted to demand. The tiger’s body language screamed displeasure. Jim’s shoulders tightened and he turned off the stove. Excitement danced over John’s skin as he tried to gather all the needed courage. It was dancing as carefully as a ballerina, before it came to the big dancing solo.

“I want to do my Job. Don’t get me wrong. I like you,-” Again, Jim’s eyes convinced him to search for better words. Damn it. “I like you a lot. I am not unhappy but I feel like a ghost. I am a doctor and if I won’t be able to do anything soon I am going to go crazy”, “Uhu” answered the man in the kitchen and from the sound of his voice John realised that it was going to be hard to convince Jim of the requirements he had. Said man’s arms were now crossed in front of his very lean chest. “Secondly, I want to have contact with the people I love. I want to see Rosie, if not take care of her. I want to tell Sherlock that I am alive” Jim abruptly slammed his hand on the counter “Unacceptable!”, “Jim..” begged the blonde and rose up from the couch in order to come closer to his lover. “I thought we had cleared this out last evening?”, “Yes, I know. But listen-”, “I don’t need to listen. You want to go again. You can’t. You promised you wouldn’t!” The eyes of the taller man were glowing with anger and John knew that he had formed the question wrong. “I don’t want to leave you Jim. I want to stay here. I promise” Jim looked dissatisfied. John’s words were a flower crushed by a small, angry child. “Listen, please.” Pain reflected Jim’s soul in his dark eyes, before he began to massage his scalp. At least, John thought, Jim was trying to listen. 

The food was set on a plate, the older threw the kitchen towel on the counter and John took a deep breath. Afghanistan’s heat had been nothing compared to the frost Jim’s eyes could create. This was going to be a fight, but John wouldn’t give up. If he wanted to remain an individual and not bore Jim to death, he needed to set some rules. “I just can’t live without any other people around me. I can’t just talk to you alone.. I will go crazy”. Wordless, Jim set the table without saying anything. It was pure bliss, dominance that gleamed from the other’s body. 

Slowly, like a snake, Jim approached John and pointed to the floor. There was no use objecting what was about to happen. This was the first time that John actually would be punished for something he had done. Of course he had anticipated anger, or at least some fighting, but this was… humiliating. “Is there anything left you want to say, before you kneel?” There was a lot more John wanted to say, but all his body could produce was a faint nod. An inner voice told him to not push their boundaries too much. After all he had just asked for everything Jim despised on. “Please, Jim...”, “Johnny you know I don’t wanted to do this just yet but I fear that you have overstepped.” No wolfish grin filled Jim’s lips. It wasn’t something he wanted to do, especially not during breakfast but escaped sheep had to be captioned. “kneel” A low, hungry growl filled the room. Nothing was to be heard but the sound of John’s knees hitting the floor. After yesterday night, he probably should’ve waited to ask Jim these questions.

A certain, known rush of adrenaline shot through the doctor's body. Inch by inch his body turned number by the knowledge of what was about to happen. John felt bad about what he had asked for, but he also knew that those words had had to be spoken out. The controlled pressure of the tiger’s fingers against his neck had made John’s body instantly follow Jim’s dictations. Never before had John felt so intimate with someone by such a simple action. Leading him, John’s hair was being tugged, gently at first but with more tension after a while until John could feel a pleasant pain tickling him. His head was swung up into an uncomfortable position where his neck was extended a bit too much.

Time ticked slower with every touch he received from the other male and for a while John wasn’t able to open his eyes. The sensation Jim was giving him was too much and he feared that he would make embarrassing sounds again if he opened them just yet. After all, he still didn’t want to lose this argument, even though he knew that his chances weren’t very high. Slowly, the tug melted into a harsh pull and the doctor was no longer able to moan. Like liquid, John wasn’t sure anymore if this really was supposed to be a punishment. Right now, everything John could feel was the heat that began to spread in his lower abdomen. Unknown lust spread through him. He knew that he had always liked adrenaline, but this? Gosh. “ You’ve been a really bad boy Johnny” growled the black haired and with those words, John finally managed to open his eyes. Opening them, he found a growing bulge in Jim’s pants in front of him. Instantly, his throat became dry. Until now, he had never been in a play like this with someone else. Sure, there had been that one woman who had wanted John to smack her arse but, being too considering, John hadn’t been able to hurt her as she had wanted him to. Shortly after, the woman had left John. Unsurprisingly. They hadn’t ticked it off anyways as all his attention had been on Sherlock at that time. As a doctor, he had always been too cautious of the consequences. 

John had never been a fan of roller coasters. He hated the feeling of losing control completely, having to trust the safety while one fell into unknown depths. Now, he was sitting in one, without any straps to hold him in place. All he could hold on to were those sweet whispers that made him go crazy. Jim Moriarty was the most dangerous ride he had ever agreed to go on and one he would never want to go off again. 

Filthy words were whispered into John’s ear and suddenly Jim’s lips were on the doctor’s throat. And then, there were teeth pressing into the thin paper of John’s body. It was certain that Jim was about to draw blood sooner or later if he continued to suck this harshly. “Oh god Jim…I’ll never do it again” Even though his rational side knew he would, his whole body wanted to submit to the other right now. Sun and night transformed into one, turning two things that were not supposed to be together into something new, something unknown. “suck me” demanded Jim hungrily and bit into John’s earlobe. Before that sentence was finished, he had positioned him back into a standing situation, hovering above John.

Oh fuck, this was a bit too much as John had the feeling he might just explode due to lust. He pressed his face against Jim’s left leg and shakingly began to unzip the perfectly ironed trousers in front of him. Then, a loud buzz interrupted John in his plan to blow this gorgeous man. Jim growled and demandingly tugged at John’s hair. “Don’t you dare stop”. As demanded, fumbling, John continued to open his pants.

Their relationship had reached a new level and John loved this. He had to completely trust Jim to an amount where he would just let him do everything. Jim’s zip was open and the doctor was ready to do whatever the older man wished for. Heated, he moaned against Jim’s boxers. He wanted to tug the soft fabric down but again, there was a loud buzz. This time with a melody that sounded like it came straight out of a horrid action movie. His hands were already touching the heat of Jim’s cock as they tried to ignore the sound it was making. The fingers that had tugged at John’s hair for the past seconds now clenched and caused a different, less pleasant pain at John’s skull. “fuck!” cursed the taller one and growled deeply. John was pulled up, away from the open trousers and left in confusion as Jim grabbed his phone. Surprised by what was happening, John’s face was baffled in confusion.

“Yes, Moran I hope it’s something really important, or else I will cut your throat open” The threat Jim constructed with his beautiful formed lips sounded low and angry. Still, John couldn’t help himself but to yearn for the other man. He had wanted to obey Jim’s wish so, so badly. All the years that John had urged that he was no gay man had completely distinguished by now. This kind of affection was undeniable. Filled with hope that the situation wouldn’t just abruptly end, John leaned against the kitchen table and watched how Jim’s muscles tensed. Moran, the man on the other side of the phone, seemed to mutter crucial things as Jim closed his trousers with his other hand. Everything on that gorgeous face revealed, that things were not going as planned. “What?!” the sudden volume of the tiger’s voice made John jump a bit.

When their eyes met, Jim’s eyes were filled with something dark. Something, John hadn’t seen for a long time. The last time he had seen this kind of obscurity in Jim Moriarty’s eyes, John had been strapped to a bomb. Was John afraid of this side of Jim? No, he still loved this man and he knew that this was a part of him he would never be able to bid farewell to.

Anger and rage floated in Jim’s voice and in the darkest moment of Jim Moriarty, John realised that he hadn’t told him yet. He hadn’t told Jim how he felt for him. There had been no confession yet and still they were more intimate than ever. He loved Jim Moriarty. “Fine. Yes. Fine… Fine.. Yes. I will come. You aren’t even capable of catching a bloody goldfish, are you?! Why did I even hire you?!”, “Jim..?”, “Not now John. I need to go” snapped the older one without even realising how that had gotten to John. He was pissed. Very pissed. “Yes. That bastard. I’ll be there in 30 minutes and I dare you to make another mistake.” growled the wolf and made the sheep on the other end tremble. “I really hope that you are fine with losing a ball Moran. Because you will pay for this mistake and I happen to have a very capable doctor who would be thrilled to help you realize your worth!”. When Jim hung up his phone angrily, a loud sigh escaped him. Anger turned into annoyance and something softer. “Johnny… I’m sorry for not being able to have your beautiful mouth on my cock, but…” the addressed turned red in an instant by those words. “but that stupid Mycroft Holmes has been a very very bad boy. He didn’t do his homework and now I have to scold him.” widening his eyes, John wondered what was going on. Until now, Jim had only very rarely mentioned Mycroft Holmes. Or any Holmes, by the matter of fact. Mycroft had never exactly been his friend, but he still was Sherlock’s brother and if Mycroft was involved, the detective wouldn’t be far from the scene. “This will take some time and your punishment has to wait. No touching yourself! If I see you touching yourself on my phone, I will make sure you won’t touch anything for a while” Nodding, John stepped closer and touched Jim’s upper arm gently. “I will wait for you” 

A quick kiss was planted on John’s forehead and before the doctor could catch up with the situation, Jim had left the room. The smell of breakfast and arousal filled the room and John’s eyes stopped at the food Jim had prepared for him just a moment ago. Hunger had left his body completely as all his thoughts started to spin around what had just happened. Mycroft Holmes. What had happened? John wondered if this had to do with his faked death. As far as he knew his flatmate of 5 years,f Sherlock would try to change something. He would never accept a suicide, not by John, right? After all, Sherlock was the most deductive man on this planet. His death had been vague, just a letter that had been left and John was certain that the Holmes’ brothers hadn’t just accepted something like this. Especially after… There was a contradiction that only now came to John’s mind; Mycroft Holmes literally could be compared to the Big Brother of 1986 and if there was something he was able to do, it was to monitor every single corner of London. 

Not a single butterfly was able to escape those eyes and the myriad of surveillance cameras that were spread all over the city of stars. Somehow, the Holmes brothers had found out about what had happened. How had none of them even considered this? Surely, Jim would’ve thought of this, right? 

When John began to draw circles while walking, he couldn’t help but to conjure the image of his best friend into his mind Loneliness hit him hard, a sudden train that appeared out of nowhere. The emptiness of Jim’s apartment stung John like a lightning and he had to move close to the window in order to get a glimpse of the calm world. There was still life outside of this cage. And even if he trapped himself inside this thing on his own will, the sudden realisation that the world still continued to exist rolled all over him. Freedom felt like prison bars and Jim had felt like reality. Was his mind being crooked by this dark mastermind he had fallen in love with? There was a reliable source deep inside of John which told him that he had fallen for something real. This was no stockholm syndrome or strange way of being manipulated. No, John had absolutely and unalterable fallen for Jim Moriarty and he trusted him. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help yearning after his friends and daughter. 

Somehow they would have to manage to create a balance, right?

Tic… Toc…

It was late in the night, the doctor hadn’t even realised how late it was, until the door was being burst open. Out of nothing, 4 or 5 men frantically entered the flat. John jumped to his feet from the chair he had sat in just a minute ago. Panic overcame the doctor. Were they here to kill him? Would he be separated from Jim? Who were these men? He didn’t want to go, he didn’t want to be taken away again! At first, he wanted to threaten the foreigners in order to get rid of them, but when John realised that those men were carrying something that looked like a potato bag. Beginning to understand what was happening, he quickly hurried to them. This was no danger, this was a cry for help.

Gladfully, one of the people who actually carried the bag of human flesh was Jim. For a second his heart had screamed, in fear of it being his lover. “John!” yelled his lover and, without hesitating, the doctor began to make his way through the unknown mass of men. Time slowed down and their bodys felt like lianes deep in the jungle. They smelled like dirt, sweat and battlefield. A smell John was familiar with. It was the fuel of his nightmares, the coal that lightened his desire for adrenaline. It was what caused him to feel alive, to stay with Sherlock over all those years and to fall in love with Jim Moriarty. Blood, sweeter than any chocolate, sweat and fear of death were everything John needed to feel like himself again. The drums of his body throbbed against his skin, creating a song he had yearned for, for many years. 

None of these men questioned John being dressed in nothing more but boxershorts. It didn’t matter. Coated in blood, the floor was transformed into a new piece of art. Each drop covered the carpet in stains, that would never leave this apartment. Immediately, John knew what to do. “Where is the first aid kit?!”, “Bathroom!” there was no time to be wasted and within a minute the heavy box was next to the bruised man. This was more than just a simple bruise. The heavy breathing revealed that the wounded was fighting for his life, grasping for each straw he could grab. There was a big hole in his clothing, which John had to rip open. Bullet wounds looked less dramatic as in the movies, but they were just as dangerous. Blood swelled out of the body and John’s hands began to move on their own. It was a harmony on its own to watch his fingers create a life saving wonder. Words were formed and cried out by the doctor in order to receive the supplies he needed to save this man’s life. Nothing he would remember, but every word was crucial. His mind was now closed off, away from all the doubts and problems he had formed over the past few days. Performing surgery was his kind of jogging, his way of freeing his mind. This was what he was created for. If he wanted to keep him alive, he had to completely turn himself off. The next ten minutes felt like hell and paradise. Finally, he was able to make the last stitch, and let his body slump back onto the red floor.

“are you Ok, snake?” 

Blue eyes frantically searched the dark man and when they found them, Jim looked more pale than a piece of chalk. Of course John knew that Jim had an unusual pale skin colour but right now, there was almost no blood left in Jim’s face. In an instant it struck John that his love was hurt too. Shit. How could he have missed this?! He was a doctor god damn it. It wasn’t his job to just slump down to the ground when there was a group of wounded soldiers. Or- whatever they were.

“Jim?” Scared, husky words left the doctor’s lips while his body moved on his own. Within an instant, John found himself kneeling in front of the tiger. “I’m fine… Is Moran alright?” asked Jim in a quiet noise. Blood was soaked through Jim’s trousers. It made the black pants look even darker. According to the amount of blood Jim had lost, his wound had worsened by the pressure of carrying the other man. Why hadn’t he said anything?! Without thinking, he cut open the pants with one of the surgical scissors, just to see several deep wounds. Blood leaked down the criminal’s legs and created a river of redness. John had seen this kind of wound before. Something had gone off, either a bomb or a grenade. Shock must’ve been written on the book of John’s face as Jim chuckled slightly. “ That was a pair of Armani pants. Hope you can..urgh… make up for that” Each word sounded faint, but still strong enough to know that Jim wasn’t going to die.

Trying to calm down the younger, Jim’s face revealed a cheeky smile. It wasn’t working, the calming down, but it did create a small sigh of relief on John’s side. Seeing the essence of life squeezing out of Jim’s perfect body was strange. Jim’s body had been scarless until now, without a single scratch. He didn’t want to think too much and just work. There was no time to waste on panic. The only thing he now could do in order to take care of that leg, was to quit thinking completely. He needed emptiness in his head right now.

The doctor would remember this moment as one of the most stressful ones in his life, but he still managed to keep his head cool. His mind’s eyes closed and all he could hear was the sound of sea. It had always soothed him to think of water, how calm it could be, even while a storm was rising. Thoughts like these had helped him to survive in Afghanistan, back when the patients he had to take care of had been good friends, women or even children. It hadn’t saved everyone, but it certainly had helped to concentrate on his work. This was the magic spell, that could always be used to disappear from all the sand, all the fear and suffer.

Living with Sherlock, he even had gotten used to taking care of his loved ones. Another five minutes went by. All he could do in that moment was to float in a tiny lifeboat full of tension, deep in the water with nowhere to go. It was the tiniest lifeboat he had ever been on, but one that would save him and the man he loved. 

“This will result into scars” An almost neutral voice left John’s lips and suddenly the sound of those foreign people was slamming against his head. He was back, thrown into the water , and back into the wilderness of the sea. Now, there wasn’t just Jim in front of him, mesmerizing and beautiful all at once, but also a whole team of stressed people. Dark eyes were watching John with an indescribable fascination. Something had just happened between them. The air between them was fizzing with a heated tension. This time, not a sexual one. It was the sound of trust and fascination.

“That was really astounding, Johnny boy” Two fingers were cupping John’s chin and an intense gaze was exchanged between them. “Do you like this?”,“yes” without even knowing what he liked, John could only nod. There was nothing else he could think of doing while being conquered by the night sky. The wall was broken down and now the prince had opened access to the vulnerable castle of John’s soul. 

“I am going to take you apart tonight..” Without even noticing, Jim had leaned in closely and the warm breath of Jim touched the space between earlobe and neck. “actually.” the black haired man cleared his throat. He tried to distract all the other people in their living room from the intimacy that had just taken place. “I was thinking about asking for you to be our doctor. Not mine especially but… For rare cases like these, when things don’t go as planned…” This was… Jim was actually remembering one of John’s demands of what he wished for. He could’ve asked anyone and yet he had decided to ask for John’s help. “Unfortunately I have this dreadful etiquette of being pretty possessive when it comes to employees.They usually don’t leave” A simple nod sealed the deal and John became a doctor again.

“Back to… this mess, if that is the Moran you were screaming to before, then he might feel better than this morning... You will be forced to give him a break for about a week or two. They’ve been harsh on him” There was no fun in these kind of conversations, but they were needed. As much as he knew Jim wouldn’t like to be easy on his employees, he would need to in order to keep them alive. “And you will have to take one too. 6 days minimum. No chance of protesting.” Everyone in the room went dead silent, until one of the men began to whisper to his friend. “Snake won’t accept that…” A dark shadow rose up from where he had just been patched up. Even though Jim winced in a bit of pain, he still had a powerful presence that was surrounding him completely. “Shut up”. Snarling at the other, he made clear that nobody was allowed to judge this situation.

Snake. John wondered, why they called Jim ‘the snake’ but before he could continue to spend his thoughts on that, Jim continued to speak. “Dr. Hamish is the man who will save your life from now on. Each single one of you will treat him with respect. If Dr. Watson does anything that seems disrespectful for anyone, then he has any right to do so. None of you should dare to say things against him.” The men had tensed up and just nodded. “ I will personally cut open your toenails if anyone harms him. Just as the boss would like it” The man, who had made the comment about John, stepped back and gave another weak nod. The boss? Was there someone greater than Jim in this whole network? 

“Nice to be on the team” announced the doctor, ignoring his thoughts. Jim wouldn’t answer questions while others were listening, so it would need to wait anyways. As he let his gaze wander over every single man in the room, John tried to remember each face. An indignant laugh left his lips before Jim gave him a pat on his shoulder. “I hope you don’t fuck up” was the only thing Jim commented on.. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc

“so… snake?” it was the first question to come to John’s mind when they finally were alone. Hissing, Jim gritted his teeth as John put a healing ointment on his lover’s wound. “I wouldn’t allow them to know my real name” the younger one chuckled as the tiger sighed loudly “I wasn’t expecting Mycroft Holmes to use such old resources to stop our plan so… When we tried to leave that damn warehouse I happened to step into a bloody trap. Shortly after, Moran was being shot… shot! Can you believe a small explosion like that distracted the best sniper of the world?! Moran has never catched a bullet but he did for me…” with a kiss on Jim’s stomach John laid down next to the other. He wouldn’t dare to lie down on his legs, as those were wounded but he wanted to be close. Lovingly, he stroked Jim’s thick, black hair.

The story Jim was telling the doctor seemed like it was straight out of an action movie. Remorse was filling Jim’s deep voice as he described their day. Like Ying and Yang, darkness and light, they were entangled in a hug. Working again, like he had before, being directed by Jim to help his members, he felt safe again. If this was what his life would turn out to be from now on, he wouldn’t complain. “You still haven’t explained to me why it had to do with Mycroft Holmes though..” Jim sighed. Obviously, none of them wanted to fight but it would cause tension between them if Jim didn’t clear it up. He couldn’t force him to say it out loud, that much he knew. After all, there was no possibility to look through the mirror of somebody’s eyes, especially those of Jim Moriarty. As always, John just had to trust his lover blindly. 

Being blind in the darkness didn’t seem so bad after all. 

“Here’s the deal…” Jim carefully let his hand slip beneath John’s shirt. “No touching until you haven’t told me” demanded the doctor quickly and tried to shove those cold hands away. The dark haired chuckled and shook his head. “You know I couldn’t care less what you try to command” There was a power in Jim’s eyes that made John shudder. “I’m afraid I can’t move so well anyway. You’re lucky and won’t need to worry about being seduced by me too much tonight. Still, it does calm me to touch you while I explain you what happened today.” Playfully, Jim’s fingers danced over John’s skin. It felt too good to resist. “Furthermore, I want to feel your body. I need to know you’re actually alive and not a dream” 

A rush of heat spread to John’s head. Those words had been sad and romantic at the same time. Had Jim actually been afraid to die? Or did he just need this assurance from now to then? 

John sighed and led Jim’s hand back to his chest where heat met coldness. Their relationship felt like a sunflower that slowly started to blossom within the deepest of winter. “all right” ,“Good boy” praised the dark haired as his fingers began to trace John’s muscles. Each time Jim praised the doctor in any way, he couldn’t help himself but to feel warm around his heart. It felt like all those years of suffer and loneliness had been worth it. After all, it was still something precious to steal those sweet words from the mastermind’s lips. “Sherly started hallucinating” John shifted and began to push himself up from where he was lying. He now was on his elbows and held his head in a, somehow uncomfortable, position in order to look right at Jim’s face. “hallucinating?” repeated John concerned. 

Sherlock’s hallucinations could only mean one thing. Drugs.

The last time Sherlock had hallucinated he had been having episodes about Euros. And before that, he had been on drugs. In conclusion, nothing good was about to be told to him. “Johnny you have to promise me not to freak out by the things I’m going to say to you now” Alarm bells rang in John’s ears by those words and the doctor now completely sat down. Of course he would freak out if Jim presente it like this. Jim reacted with himself mimicking John’s actions and they were sitting in front of each other. “I can’t promise something like that”, “well then I have no other chance but not to tell you” grumbled the dark haired who was seemingly unhappy with how their conversation was going. 

“I thought you trusted me?”asked the mastermind and crossed his arms. “Well I do trust you but that doesn’t mean that I can just turn off my emotions”. Jim pouted. “you’re being childish. Try to stay calm” John couldn’t help himself but to click his tongue. “ I have every right to know the reason for my BEST FRIEND HALLUCINATING” Without even intending to do so, John’s voice had risen up to a volume where he knew that he would just make the situation worse. Worry had taken control over him. Even if he didn’t love Sherlock like he once had loved him, he still loved him in a way. And he would never stop to do so.

Had Jim ever seen this side of John before? The urge to just leave the room and just go was growing. An unsettling tension grew between the two of them and out of the nothing, the wolf seemed to be ready to eat the sheep he had kept alive these past weeks. Maybe the monster had only waited for his prey to grow in order to have more out of it? Maybe it only had been love for Jim as long as John had obliged. “Shut up Johnny! Stop being so dramatic and just listen to what I have to tell you” growled Jim with a sharp tone to his voice. The friction had reached a new level, causing John to feel unwell for the first time in weeks. 

Before John could stop his mouth from talking, Jim hushed him with a finger on his lips. “Alright.” stubbornly, John mirrored his lover and crossed his arms in order to express his annoyance. This wasn’t going how intended. But it also wasn’t a surprise anymore. If living with Jim had taught him one thing, then it was that each day something unexpected could, and would, happen. “I am listening now.”,”fine” barked the criminal. There was no sign of affection in his voice but before Jim’s mood could get any worse, he soaked in a fair amount of breath. Somehow, John assumed, Jim tried to hold back any answer that could sharpen the atmosphere between them. Maybe there was some affection left.They were dancing on the tip of a knife and if one of them did a wrong step they would fall and get cut in half. “ You made him cry. Mycroft sweared that he would end his brother’s suffer and tried to get more information about your suicide. You know the Holmes brothers. Never going down without a fight. Unfortunately for him, I am pretty good with manipulating surveillance cameras. Your death was explicit and looked real. I found a good double.” If that wasn’t a hint of Moriarty killing someone to cover his story. “The only thing that still hasn’t appeared is your body, which can be easily waved off as corpses take their time to be found. Being who he is,” the anger inside of John’s body began to ebb away. How could he possibly stay mad at him? 

Not all of the tension had disappeared, but their conversation had turned into something way more powerful. “he tried to force Sherlock to go to one of those support groups for grief.”, “Impossible. Sherlock wouldn’t go to something like that” a small chuckle left John’s lips as he tried to imagine Sherlock actually talking about his problems. He would probably end up insulting everyone, deducing their stories and false emotions and then leave. Never would anything like that happen, Sherlock would rather die than actually do something as bluntly as this. “Yes. Well, as a compensation, he went to the next drug cellar and began to pump his veins with cocaine.” A short pause was caused by this information. To be honest, this was nothing too surprising for John. Still, this was his best friend they were talking about. He loved Sherlock, more like a brother by now, but he deeply cared about him and his health.

After Mary’s death, her name still caused a sharp pain deep within him, Sherlock had also started to relapse. Him returning to his last friend was no surprise. After all, Sherlock really liked to play chess with death. “When Mycroft came to visit his brother, Sherlock seemed to recreate the evening of your farewell with... Well with you”, “with me?” asked the doctor sceptical. It was scary to hear Jim’s words as John himself had experienced the exact same thing with Mary. Mary, who had accompanied him after her death until he had made an apology to her, right in front of Sherlock’s eyes. Back then, John had been sure that he had gone nuts completely. Still lingering in the back of his head, were her words, whispering sweet nothings. How many nights had he spent wishing for her to come back. Even though she had betrayed him, like everyone had, he missed her. After all, she was the mother of his only child.

Rosie. How could he have abandoned her from his thoughts? Her sweet smile, her small fingers clenching his. God, he loved her more than anything in this world. And he missed her, horribly. Did Jim know, how much it meant to John to be a father? Maybe, in a million years, they would be able to share a life with his daughter. He had completely forgot about her. Never would he be able to forgive this. He definitely needed to cut that slice of cake later on.

Shuddering, John first clenched his fists before he reached out to the dark man in front of him. He begged for affection, for closeness. For a second, Jim seemed to resist as he still seemed to be hurt by John’s prior actions but then, with a sigh, the mastermind pulled him closely to his chest. Tears were rolling down his face. John wasn’t sure whether they originated from the thoughts about Rosie, or his best friend’s suffer. “Sherlock was crazy. I tell you, what I have seen-” ,”seen?”, “yes, seen. I am able to install cameras too, Johnny boy. Don’t be so dull, I know you can do better. Well, he was talking utter bollocks but if I have to summarize everything he said, it was that you were definitely still alive.” Well, to be honest Sherlock was not too wrong with this assumption of John being alive, as he was lying in Jim’s arms right now. Listening to the criminal’s heartbeat, John wondered, if drums would become his new favourite instrument, as they resembled the rhythmic sound of blood being pumped through the mastermind’s body. It was strangely reassuring. “He was a laughing stock, I tell you. Ready for a cheap soap opera.” Inhaling deeply, John tried not to make a sarcastic comeback to Jim’s testimony. After all, Sherlock still was his best friend and even if he had hurt him a lot, John would always defend him. “Big brother then decided to do everything Sherlock wanted him to do. Sentiments, I tell you. And well, Sherlock believed that there was this new underground network, silly enough he couldn’t realise that it was my network. I have been soaked up so much lately that I haven’t made a detailed check up on the whole thing. I just thought it would go over the counter quickly but we fell for the stupidest tricks.” So, Jim had actually been distracted by … John? A sharp pain pierced through John’s heart and suddenly, he felt guilty for his lover’s attention. “Jim..” mumbled John before his voice broke off.

“I blew up our cover” strong hands began to scratch down John’s back and all the blonde could feel was Jim’s trembling, cold fingernails. It was nothing like the pain he had experienced earlier that day but it still felt pleasant to a certain degree. This was Jim expressing his feelings without explicitly saying them out loud. This was love. Affection. Weakness. Appreciating this openness, John kissed Jim’s forehead. “I blew up our safety John. We will have to leave soon, I can’t afford to lose the only thing that’s right about this broken world”, “Jim…” Arms began to slung around the mastermind. Of course John had known that Jim saw society as something that churned out slaves and blank at every second. “Now, Sherlock is way too invested in this business, on his feet, 48 hours straight” Before Jim could flee, or push him away, John trapped his lover in a deep embrace. There was nothing more to be said, nothing more to fight about. It was clear to John that Jim would’ve burned the world down in order to assure his safety and there was nothing they could now change. 

Nuzzling his nose into Jim’s neck made John’s beating heart finally slow down. This moment felt precious, their fight had turned into something that would strengthen their bond. A sharp inhale broke off John’s thoughts and Jim growled deeply. “He wants to clutch you away like he always does” Jim’s affection was as deep as dangerous as it was sharp as a razor. His love could easily cut through throats. It was a dangerous fire to play with. “But you have to trust my decisions. I can't always tell you everything” obviously, this was referencing to the rest of the story It wasn't to John's liking, but for now he would have to accept Jim's decisions. “I have to admit that I do want to know about things that concern me but, you are a criminal mastermind after all.”, “ i still pledge that the term criminal is highly subjective. I'm hurt that you think I only do bad things” a playful pout was to be found on Jim's lips. Intimacy like this could not be compared to anything else on this world. The warmth of a mother’s embrace, a lover’s kiss, nothing could resemble this feeling of home.

Tic Toc Tic Toc


	4. Kiss me, love me, fall for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter but I also suck at smexy chapters! It's a short one as I had a very packed weekend, but I still hope you enjoy! Only 12 more pages to edit. Yay!

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Jim’s fingers softly traced the body in front of him. Ticklish as he was, John couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. “I love that you are ticklish” Breathing against John’s skin, the dark haired continued to lightly touch the other. Intimate moments like this were what kept them strong. Jim’s bedrest had given them the chance to just be a couple for once and everything just felt normal for a few day. Fingers danced across John's light skin and a loud Yelp escaped the younger man. Damn Jim and his playfulness. 

As a child, John remembered, he had always been tickled by Harry or his mom. His dad had never been down to those kind of things, but sitting here with Jim sure as hell felt like childhood and sweet memories. It was the sugary smell of his mother’s cookies baking, the sound of his dad’s pencil against the daily newspaper and his sisters steady breathing. Jim combined all of it. It felt like love. Real one. There was no way to escape his lover’s fingers. Just like his love. When John reached a point where he wasn't able to breath properly anymore, Jim pressed his lips on top of John's. Their cute fight turned into a heated, passionate kiss where soft lips met. Gently, without putting too much pressure on his lover, John pressed Jim down onto their bed. It was now him who hovering above the older one. After all, Jim was still the hurt one. That horrible wound was still fresh, he was still vulnerable. A rare state, but as a doctor and lover, John would try to look out for Jim. “ I believe I still own you a present” John's voice was low and filled with lust for the older one. 

A predatory grin was painted on Jim's lips and without hesitation, he spread his legs. Jim Moriarty would never be a man to second guess and it was the sexiest thing in this world. “ I won't stop you.” Loud drums were pounding against his ears as John felt excited for what was about to happen. It would end up sloppy, a child’s attempt to bake for the first time. Of course, John had received head several times before, but now that it was his turn, embarrassment was written all over his face. In the morning, he hadn't been able to rethink about any of this. It had been another kind of situation, more of a play than a promise. Jim's voice had led him through this new terrain and there had been no fear of doing it wrong. 

Saving courage, John's hands began to caress Jim's inner thighs. How could one person look so beautiful? “ don't be so shy, I won't judge you” a cold hand met his own. It was as if the predator had read his mind. “ can't you see how hard I am from only looking at your face alone? “It was true. Jim’s boxers were tight around his hip, presenting a hard gift. One that John would need to unwrap. Tugging at the soft fabric, John felt his fear ebbing away. His lover helped him by moving his hips upwards. When John finally managed to undress Jim's lower parts, a big, leaking cock was greeting him. Jim’s member wasn’t particular thick, but it was long and by the thought of taking that into his mouth, John shuddered. Hopefully, he would manage to satisfy the other. “God…” Growled the mastermind hungrily as he watched the smaller man glaring at his penis. “ you have no idea how much I want to fuck your mouth right now” not able to just take him in immediately, and a bit embarrassed by Jim's words, John touched him with his hands at first. “I want to take you until you won’t be able to speak again..” Trying to imagine how John liked it himself, he slowly began to move his hands. “Oh yeah, just like that Johnny, you're doing amazing” feeling encouraged by Jim's praise, he decided to play with the other’s tip. A small drop of precome left Jim's shaft, reflecting in the light of the room. 

Gently, he tugged at Jim’s foreskin and immediately felt amazed by how hot he could get by just watching his partner being so turned on. From then on, his body worked on his own. Each touch was the most natural thing he could do and a strange confidence filled his touches. Everyone had to start at some point, right? Hesitating, his lip circled around the other’s lip, collecting the single drop of precum and making Jim moan. It tasted salty, not exactly tasty, but bearable. “Fuck” cursing, Jim’s fingertips digged into the doctor’s shoulders. Feeling encouraged by Jim’s approving moans, he opened his mouth and carefully took in the first few inches of his lover’s penis. As prefered by himself, John tried not to scratch Jim with his teeth. He imagined, that Jim liked it a bit rougher, but this being his first time, he didn’t want to slash out too much. Not confident enough to take him in completely, John began to swirl his tongue around the man's shaft, playing with each inch to get a taste. It felt like playing a new instrument, sloppy at first but better with each rightly played tone. Jim’s sounds were the song that was produced by John exploring with his lover’s penis. 

The heated air was filled with Jim's low, rumbling noises. While John sucked and licked, Jim never once let his eyes wander from John’s mouth. John himself was one to just experience and enjoy the moment. Having those dark eyes hovering on him the whole time, created a sense of dominance by the other. After a while, a hand found itself on John's hair. “ I am going to take your beautiful head and fuck your mouth” It was a warning, and an offer at the same time. “If you can’t go on anymore, scratch my leg, hard.” Would Jim…? 

Then, he was tugged at for the first time. It came by surprise. Having those fingers pulling at his hair made John moan in anticipation. He wasn’t sure if he would actually enjoy what was about to happen, but he completely trusted Jim. Again, like each time with Jim, John had lost the control over his actions. Even now, when it was his turn, Jim would remain the leader. He was being guided deeper down and John felt Jim’s member at the back of his throat. At first, he gagged and wanted to aboard everything, until Jim led him up again. The movement was repeated, with a lustful “just relax..” by Jim. At some point, when Jim's tugging had turned into a pleasant pain, tears began to fall down the doctors cheeks. Being a doctor, John knew how to hold back a gagging reflex, but it still was hard to take in almost all of Jim's length. This was his first time after all, and it was still quite a job to please Jim. “ I'm going to train you how to deepthroat me baby, and when you are able to take it all in, oh god” inside of his mouth, Jim’s penis grew firm. It seemed like he liked dirty talk.“ I could just,” another thrust against John's throat followed.“ come immediately” being turned on by Jim's demanding words, he tried to take him in a bit deeper. He couldn’t manage the whole but when he did so, John's head was ripped away from Jim's cock. Not being able to realise what was happening immediately, John felt a sharp pain from the hair Jim had pulled. A deep growl left the Tigers throat and suddenly he was ejaculating all over the doctors face and chest. Jim was breathing loudly, still in aftershock of his orgasm. “I’m sorry I had to pull you up” A husky voice came from beneath him. “It’s ok,” John himself was still hard but couldn’t care less about his own satisfaction. Jim’s sperm had quickly cooled down and John used his lovers boxershorts to remove the liquid. “Sexy, right?” Jim’s eyebrow moved up in interest. “Me cleaning myself with your knitters”, “We’re not 25 anymore. I don’t need you to linger in bed uncomfortably wearing my sperm” both of them chuckled and John wondered, despite Jim’s age, how his lover had remained this young-looking.

Only small, almost unnoticeable wrinkles hovered under Jim’s eyes. Age hadn’t painted all over him, unlike himself. John’s skin felt more like an old leather bag, which had already been used for years. It was rough, dry and covered in scars and creases. For a moment, he wondered how he would’ve aged without Sherlock or any of this drama in his life. If Jim and him had met earlier in life, under different circumstances, would he have remained younger? Carefully, John retreated a bit from Jim’s body as to look at his lover’s thighs. This would be the first of many scars. 

“I have never been as absorbed by anybody like you”, “How? I’m a wrinkly, old man.” John had not only gaines scars and wrinkles, but also weight. He wasn’t as fit as he had been years before and he wondered how Jim could love all of him. “I hope you don’t assume that you will be able to leave this bedroom without coming at least twice, right?” His face lit up like a bonfire. How Jim managed to easily fire up those tiny sparks of desire with such dirty words remained a secret for John. It was something he hadn’t experienced with other partners, but it also wasn’t something he would complain about. 

“I’m not really sure if it’s gonna be twice, but I won’t complain” Giving John a cocky eyebrow, his hands started to softly scrape down the lengths of John’s upper body. Small red stripes began to appear on John’s light skin. John wondered, if he would return to being more tanned this summer. The possibilities of getting outside recently weren’t as high, but John was optimistic that he wouldn’t stay as pale as he was right now. “Johnny” His thoughts were cut in half when Jim demanded his attention. “Don’t you dare think of anything but me when I touch you” It was said playfully, but it marked Jim’s power just enough for him to feel. “If you don’t concentrate on me, I will feel pressured to chain you up and force you to. You would completely rely on me.” The thought of being tied up didn’t seem half as bad when Jim touched him like this, but he knew better than to challenge his lover. Wondering, if Jim had the ability to completely free him from his stream of thoughts, he tried to concentrate on his lover’s fingers. 

With a dark growl, Jim bit into John’s inner thigh and began to suck his skin. A deep, red mark was left behind. It was one of Jim’s many ways to mark him and tell the world, that nobody else was allowed to touch him. Being captured by Jim’s energy, like this, made him moan. Somehow, being freed from all his duties and problems made him go mad with lust. Jim’s spell caused him to clench around the soft fabric of Jim’s king size bed as more and more marks, as red as roses, were planted upon his body. At the end he would look like a sea full of crimson dots and there would be no chance to misunderstand what had been done to his body. It would result in a beautiful piece of art. For now though, Jim remained between his legs while his fingers worked their way up to John’s shaft. He hadn’t even realised that Jim had taken off his knitters. Being completely naked gave him a new kind of freedom.

Without hesitation, Jim began to firmly stroke his lover. Each reaction was rewarded with dark, predatory hums and lustful glares. Distractive thoughts were cast aside and all that remained was the warm feeling of Jim’s hands around him. Closing his eyes, he didn’t even realise that Jim was grabbing something out of their bedside table. A pink, long bottle of lube revealed his lover’s plan. “Johnny, touch yourself. I want to see how you do it and want to remember every single move while I begin to prepare something bittersweet”

John opened his eyes and it struck him. Jim would introduce him into a whole new world. While moving his fingers around his own cock, the room was filled with the smell of dark chocolate. There was no time to second guess what was about to happen. A door would be opened, to something he had always forbid himself to fantasise about. Lube was pressed on Jim’s, usually cold, hands and unknown sounds filled the room. Gently, John’s hands were shoved away and warm lube was applied. The sensation of feeling both, Jim’s hand and the hot lube on his shaft were driving him crazy, causing his body to squirm. “Turn around baby, I want you to be on all four”. Everything was happening in a haze, a fog of lust and need for Jim’s touches. There was a fire of desire and trust burning between them, fueled by love. It was easy to burn oneself by loving too much, but with Jim the whole world was already set on fire. 

Not being able to resist Jim's words, the doctor found himself on all four limbs. The strange feeling of the satin fabric beneath his knees and hands gave John the chills. Before he was able to soak in his surrounding completely, a warm liquid hit his bum. Trying not to focus too much on the sensation, the doctor felt his whole body turning warmer than before. “I wish you could see what I see” moaned Jim in an unusual soft voice. “spread out like this, god. You have no idea how much I just want to fuck you to the moon and back” With just the right amount of pressure, Jim began to massage the doctors lower back. At first, John calmed down by the heated hands at his most intimate parts. Then, suddenly, a finger brushed his opening and a shriek escaped the blonde’s mouth. 

“I can’t wait to fuck you loose” For a moment, John was caught in awe as he feared that Jim would go this way today. Then again, John was a doctor and Jim probably was more than aware that he would need time. After all, this would be his first time and they would need to wait until he felt as if his body was ready to take the other man. It made John feel like a lost child, all on his own. The ground beneath John was pulled away and he fell into a lake of an absolutely new world. A finger entered him and at first, the feeling was uncomfortable, accompanied by a sting of pain. The lube helped Jim to move himself inside of the doctor and John grabbed the fabric, hard.. “Jim-”, “Shh. I know Johnny. But you have to go through this for me. Try to relax. It will get better, I promise”. 

Trust was all he could grasp on right now. Carefully, Jim’s finger slowly pressed deeper and John tried to aggressively loosen up. Each movement caused the doctor to clench in different places and even though it did not yet feel like he wanted to, the pure bliss of gifting Jim his virginity made it all better. “Oh Johnny, You’re as tight as a well-done steak. Your body feels phenomenal inside”. The fact that Jim’s first finger now completely filled him up, made John shudder. He had gone soft from the strange situation before, but now that Jim could easily move his finger, everything felt easier. His penis grew back to full size and John could finally enjoy the moment. 

“Do you trust me?” What a question. Of course John trusted the other. After a while of preparing him, Jim stopped. John hadn’t even realised that he hadn’t answered. The trance that Jim’s touches caused had prevented him from it. All these new sensations made his mind go crazy and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to think ever again. Then, Jim repeated his question. This time more demanding, gently pressing his finger a bit deeper. “Do you trust me, Johnny?”, “Yes” breathed, husky was John’s voice as he answered the melody of the obscure man’s voice. Whenever Jim spoke, John couldn’t help but help music as he spoke and it was no difference in bed. Those chimes slowly had found their way to his heart and now there was the same song playing all day long and it was consuming him more and more. Jim continued to caress his hole and entered another finger. “I trust you. Please... “ He couldn’t tell what he was begging for, but Jim seemed to understand him completely. At times, John wondered if Jim was his other half, the one you could never completely part from. He seemed to always be able to read John’s thoughts and never failed to find the right words.

“Jim… don’t wait too long” That was enough for Jim to just infuse another tip into his opening. Of course there was a tearing sensation at first but soon after, it developed into a pleasure. It felt like time was flying as there were suddenly two more fingers inside of him, gently rocking his inner walls. The abyss of Jim moriarty had completely taken over him. Damn, what had he gotten into? “Fuck yourself baby” His erection was dripping as he tried to imagine those words. “w-what?” asked the blonde one surprised after he came back to his senses. “You heard me. Fuck. Your. Self. I want to see your mesmerizing arse rocking my fingers” A loud smack disrupted the melody of Jim Moriarty’s voice and pain immediately evolved on his arse. Jim Moriarty had just whacked him and god, it had felt good. Groaning loudly, the doctor began to slowly move his hips. At first, it was strange to move into his lover’s fingers but the movement felt more natural with each thrust. Feeling Jim’s fingers like this was even more intense than just his lover’s movement. Lust had now taken over him completely and John felt as if he would explode any second. His right cheek was slapped a second time and again, John moaned in response. “Oh god, yes” It was a kind of pleasure John had not yet experienced often but he loved it. Once more, this time on the other side, Jim hit John’s body with just the right amount of strength. 

Each smack felt like one more earthquake that would lead the volcano to erupt. He was about to come. All the signs were there: His lower abdomen clenching together, him getting harder, the shudder that accompanied each thrust.. Meanwhile, Jim was now either scratching, sucking or hitting the blonde one. The latter rocked himself harder and deeper into Jim’s fingers. “Fuck Johnny, you are absolutely alluring. I want to fuck you right here, until you won’t be able to walk again”. The imagination of Jim’s long, beautiful shaped cock inside of him made John explode. The bomb was going off. John’s sperm covered the fabric and the doctor’s legs were trembling strongly. Even though he had stopped moving, Jim continued to thrust his fingers inside of him. It caused the bliss of the orgasm to expand and John to collapse on the bed. John slumped down and felt exhausted, like the old man he had turned into. A second time sounded like a great idea, but age got the better of him. Carefully, Jim’s fingers left the other’s body and a sudden emptiness filled his body instead. It had felt incredible being touched by the darker one in such a manner. John wondered if Jim would just continue to please himself, but instead a warm body began to move closer to John. Jim was cuddling him, still erect, but pleased with the results. It was a nice feeling and caused him to leave the world of being awake. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most days he ate like a pig, but then they would pity him again and give him something nourishing. John felt weak but still determined not to give up. Jim would save him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twice a day- whaaat?? I had some spare time this evening. Just 5 more pages to go! Tomorrow will be the final chapter :)

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

Entering the bathroom, John’s eyes widened when he caught his reflection. Looking at himself, he couldn’t describe the feeling that flooded him. It broke down doors that had stood strong for decades and stopped his breath. John drowned in the look the mirror gave him. There was a tall, wide mirror covering one half of the bathroom’s wall. It reflected the old man John had gotten used to, but in a different way than usual. Dancing over his cheeks, tears welled up from the blue sea of his eyes. His body was painted in scars, he had already accepted this unchangeable state. Now,there were marks of Jim all over himself. It felt like a tattoo, covering all the things he hated about himself and brought back the colour on his body. Red dots, scrapes and red, sore skin made his body feel like a new one. In his twisted mind, he had turned into a butterfly, free and unstoppable. Even though his body looked stranger than ever, he felt as if he could conquer the ocean. Suddenly, red turned into his new favourite colour.

Tic Toc Tic Toc

When the next morning arrived, Jim had woken up John right before the clock displayed 5:00 am. Tired, the doctor made an unpleasant sound as he sluggishly opened his eyes. The room was dark and he could only recognise Jim by the low voice that got through to him. “Johnny, darling, I have to leave you alone for today. I will return this evening and then you and I have to go on a trip”, “trip?” John’s voice was filled with sleep and his lover seemed to be miles away. Was this a dream? “Yes, I have work to do. I need you to take care of a few things. I’ll leave my phone with you but you will only be able to contact me. If anything happens, call me asap” Slowly, awareness tickled his ways up to John’s consciousness. “I don’t understand. What could happen? Isn’t this place safe?”, “Sherlock Holmes”. 

There it was. That name he had dreaded to hear. His heart skipped a beat and everything froze for a second. The dance that had stopped between the consultant detective and his nemesis was slowly accompanied by music again and the waltz would turn into a tango in a rapid velocity. A war was about to start and John knew that things would change soon. This new information grabbed him by his heart and pulled him back into alertness. Once again, the chess field was set up and a known game would continue.

A nod was followed by a deep kiss and a low “I love you” by Jim. Then, darkness enveloped John’s body and mind. If Sherlock was on the road, searching for Jim, that meant Rosie wasn’t far away as well. Rosie, his one and only child, his blood. Again, he had been an awful father and had not fought for his right to see her. One day, Jim would need to let him go back to her. He had the right to be a father, to raise his daughter. Maybe even hand in hand with his lover. But again, this was a topic that had to be discussed on a different day. Now, the silent call of Sherlock Holmes hovered over Jim’s apartment. His mind span a web full of doubts, fears and hope until a deep slumber embraced him.

That night, John’s dreams remained silent and when he woke up a few hours later, he felt surprisingly rested. It was a silent morning, even with the events of the prior night, he strangely felt more or less carefree. No matter what would happen, tonight they would go back somewhere safe. After that, they would be able to think about a plan for their future. If he really wanted to stay with Jim, they needed to set some things. In his mind, Sherlock wasn’t even a real threat by now. Really, Jim had always been one step ahead of the detective. There was no way that John needed to fear about everything that had occupied his mind the night before.

His back was still sore by Jim’s fingers. Being older than 25, their shared night had resulted in an uncomfortable pain that would accompany him for the rest of the day. Somehow, John was aware of the fact that they had not yet reached the peak of their relationship, but for now all he could feel was the joy of being treasured by Jim. The blonde felt like Jim’s love was god. It was something indescribable, something untouchable and yet something that made him feel more loved than he had ever felt. Scary enough, John realised that he would trade his own life for the obscurity of the other. It was strange to know, that someone who made his living by killing people worshipped him like this. Even to a point where a bomb would kill all those, that would endanger John. Being loved by Jim was the ride on an asteroid that was about to kill the dinosaurs. It was chaos, but chaos made a new space for something new, something delightful.

Which was why, when the mobile phone Jim had left for him rang, John wasn’t thinking of anybody but his lover. Bliss filled him, reminded by those bittersweets words he had whispered that morning. I love you. Those simple but strong words were all he needed to get through the day. Tonight, John was more than certain, he would tell Jim that he returned those feelings. Willingly, he would accept the asteroid’s power. It was long overdue. Without thinking twice, John took the call, smiling. It was nice to know, that Jim thought of him, even while being at work. He had not forgotten that he had tick of Jim’s list, but there surely was something important Jim had forgotten to mention. Or he just wanted to hear his voice. Cheerly, John greeted his lover. “Hey, Was there something you forgot to tell me, tiger?” This would be the first time that John gave his lover that nickname. It had been present in his mind before, but he had never felt the need to call him this before. 

A warm, low, familiar voice was heard and, in shock, John almost threw the phone against the wall. 

“John?” 

His hands immediately began to shake at the voice he hadn’t heard for more than… how long exactly? Anxiety overwhelmed every single artery of the blonde’s body. His blood was about to clog up John would have a stroke, he was sure. Something inside of the former soldier was ripped by hearing the well known tune of Sherlock’s voice. Fear, happiness and agitation were all fighting over the attention of John’s body and all together, they caused his breath to become shallowly. Panic attacks where something John had often experienced in his life. Getting one because of his best friend’s voice was something new.

Not being able to hang up, Sherlock’s soft but cracked voice continued. “John, is that you?”, “Sherlock..” After a long pause between them, the detective began to frantically laugh. “hahaha, funny. And here I was imagining you’ve jumped into the thames.” Bitterness was escaping the mobile phone. It was sharp, a knife that stabbed into John’s heart. “But you’ve told me you’re alive right? At first I didn’t want to trust you. You wouldn’t go ahead and lie to me like that” Fuck, was Sherlock even stable right now? Maybe John could get out of the situation by just going along? After all, if Sherlock had hallucinated seeing John, he could possibly manage to play the dead man. 

“Sherlock. I am dead, you know that” Whether or not he was dead on paper or for real, was for Sherlock to decide. He could just go along and make it easier for himself, rather than to accept that his best friend had chosen Jim over him. Lying caused a sharp pain inside of the doctor’s heart. The air surrounding John smelt desperate and fearful at the same time. It was the smell of overcooked coffee, burned but still delicious.

He couldn’t do this. Sherlock’s voice croaked and a yelp escaped the man on the line. “Don’t lie to me. You’re alive. You’re dead, but you’re alive. I finally have your location, you’ve been kidnapped.” Sherlock’s voice was higher than John remembered it. “You wouldn’t leave me on free will. You love me, I ... Stay on for just another minute and we can send someone to rescue you” Rescue? John didn’t need to be rescued! After all, Jim had saved John’s life and all that had happened between them, had happened in free will. But of course, Sherlock knew nothing of the newly developed relationship between the man he hated the most and his best friend. “Sherlock, you can’t come here. Please…” John could almost feel Sherlock’s scoff at the other end. Sherlock probably was laying on the couch they had spent so many nights together. Baker street… A strange homesickness creeped upon the doctor, but he knew that this was not how things should go. Sherlock sounded high, his words frantic and not as straight as they usually could be. The Sherlock he once had loved, was no longer there.

There was Jim now, someone who John deeply cared for. He didn’t want to go back to Sherlock. Dissent built up inside of the smaller one. At the one hand, John wanted to see Rosie, Mrs. H., Molly and of course Sherlock too. He wanted to hold them, he wanted to adore how much his daughter had grown. On the other hand, John had found love and wasn’t going to just trash it like an old package of milk. “I’ll hang up now Sherlock”, “No John, don't don't, don't, don’t you dare ring off. Just twenty more seconds.”, “Goodbye Sherlock.”

Pressing the button in order to end the call, John’s hand shivered. It had sent coldness down his spine. Hadn’t he wished for this? Hearing and seeing his best friend again? At the same time, he wanted to stay with Jim. Jim. Immediately pressing the shortcut for Jim’s number, there was this unbearable suspense of heaving to hear those dreadful waiting sound. Beeep. Beep. beeep. 

“The user you're trying to access isn't currently available. Please leave behind a message after the next tone. Beeeeep.” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Full of fright, John began to nervously walk up and down the hallway of Jim’s apartment. Bloody hell, why wasn’t Jim picking up? The ground that held John was feeling as if it slowly started to crumble and each step he took was ruining it further. There was no way of going back now. Again, the phone buzzed and showed up “Anonymous”. Was this Jim? It had to be. With drops of sweat on John’s forehead, John picked up the incoming call. “John, come to your senses, Sherlock told me---” The button to end the call was pressed immediately. That had been Mycroft’s voice and John was even more frightened now. They knew this number, they knew where he was but how the hell had they gotten information about the only phone Jim had given him? Maybe they had tried to contact Jim and not the doctor? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 

“Pick up, please pick up” Calling Jim for the fourth time, there was no sign of the criminal to answer John’s calls. Hadn’t Jim told John that he would be there if there was an emergency going on? John was having an identity crisis, unsure of what was about to happen. There was no help identifiable and there was no exit too. He couldn’t flee, not if he didn’t even know where he was himself. The only thing he could do was to either wait for Jim’s return, or the Holmes’ brothers to find him. How would he explain the situation to them? The mobile phone Jim had left for John had buzzed several times after Mycroft’s call. Unsure of who called him, John was too afraid to pick up a single one. Panic overwhelmed him as he began to pack bags filled with clothes of Jim and himself with trembling hands. John’s eyes were red from sore eyes. Without him realising, he had cried and he wasn’t able to identify the cause. Was it because he was happy of being found by Sherlock or was it because he feared of losing his lover? Every thought led to the worst case scenario. This scenario included him and Jim being separated, by death. 

It only took them 35 minutes, 35 minutes in which John wasn’t able to reach Jim by phone. 35, the amount of times he had tried to ring his lover, 35, the number of scars on John’s body and the amount of seconds it took John to realise, that his door was being wrecked down. 35 was no lucky number for John and before his mind could even work properly, there were a dozen of men standing in the middle of Jim’s parlour, making the red carpet turning into a filthy brown of mud. 

Time was freezing, the lake that had melted with Jim’s and John’s love was slowly suffering from the consequences of nature. Everything felt as if John was dreaming, the things that happened within one hour seemed to be so surreal that the doctor’s brain was not yet able to catch up with what was happening. “Clear! Clear! This one is clear to!” damp noises were surrounding him and, for a moment, John considering just walking out of the apartment as none of the foreigners seemed to care for the blonde man, who stood in awe in the middle of the room. Just by their equipment, John could identify these men as none of Jim Moriarty. The spider was not here to guard his belongings and the westwind was slowly blowing off his web. A world was falling apart around John. None of the voices got through to him and the colours around the doctor were fading away. He would be taken away by these men, there was no other way. No other outcome.

When one of the army men began to grab and shake the perplexed male, there was nothing else but a numb feeling. “...me?” John looked up, his eyes feeling as if the low tide was sucking the blue of the sea away from them. “Can you hear me?” The man in front of John suddenly looked like a hazard and all in his body began to fight against every single touch. Gladly, John knew how to use self-protection and the other man, who clearly hadn’t been expecting to be rejected like this, landed on the ground. His body was working on his own and the doctor walked backwards. Somehow, he had to get out of here. At this point, it wasn’t even clear if these men were people who wanted to kill him, or if they were here for a rescue mission. Throwing a lamp against the big window, made the lamp burst into a myriad of pieces. Each shard represented how the panic inside of him shattered apart every rational thought. The window wouldn’t break. Why wouldn’t the bloody window break? Alarm ringed inside of John’s body. No, wait. There was an alarm echoing through the whole flat. Clinging to a book that had been lying next to him, John was ready to fight these men with whatever weapons, or books, he had to use.

“Now, now, Dr. Watson. I certainly didn’t expect a dead man to fight back like this” Mixed with the sharp alert, a familiar, nasty voice reached him. “Take the men with you! We have to leave, Moriarty will arrive soon and we have to clean up this scenery” 

He had gained weight, probably because of the stress he was having with Sherlock. “Mycroft.” there was nothing else that could escape John’s mouth. Men were intimidatingly creeping up on John. He was the rabbit surrounded by wolves that all wanted to maul him into pieces “I won’t come with you Mycroft. Go away!” If John wasn’t misreading the situation, Mycroft looked like he was actually surprised by John’s reaction. “Don’t be silly Dr. Watson. Moriarty will come back soon.” One man grabbed John by his shoulder and managed to trap him in some kind of strange from-behind-hug. “Yes, and I will fight you.” The blonde man felt like an angry squirrel against those brawny fighter’s he tried to push away. “Sherlock is waiting in the car, Dr. Watson. We have to leave. Now!” Never before had John heard Mycroft’s voice increase so much and for a second, a painful second, the doctor was too surprised by what had just happened. Normally, Mycroft was solid as a rock when it came to his emotions but suddenly, there were emotions flying with him. 

Then, a dozen of arms were drowning him in darkness and the next thing John remembered was being pulled out of the apartment he had started to feel at home at. 221B would never have been the beach to come back at, but with Jim it wouldn’t matter where he was or what his surroundings would be. The consulting criminal was his home now. The world he was in right now, felt more like a maze. It was a maze in space, a place where you could only get lost. A darkness surrounded him that had not been there before. Depression crept back into his body, just like the night he had walked in front of that damn car. It was the sensation of being pulled into the abyss of loneliness. 

All of his mind was occupied with the thought of being left alone, being abandoned and every single person that somehow touched or addressed him wasn’t worth of John’s response. These men had plucked his roots, his deepest feelings right out of his heart. “He isn’t answering, Sir” Of course it was Mycroft who was close to him, not next to him of course, as John was trapped in a room. There was a single window, radiating into the grey cube he was located in. There was no doubt that, behind the mirror next to the door, another person was watching him. John wouldn’t tell Mycroft a thing. There was only one reasonable Holmes’ brother and it was not the thick one.

The last time he had felt this amount of abandonment, Sherlock had jumped down that damn building. After that day, he had thought he would never feel hatred like this again, but then Jim had returned into his life. A new love had blossomed out of them and when Mycroft had ripped him out of his lover’s embrace, all the doctor could feel anymore was hate. Anger and hate where the brothers that refused to answer any questions about Jim or Sherlock.

Sherlock bloody Holmes. After Mycroft had captured the doctor, the black haired detective had not even once showed his face to his (former?) best friend. Time was no longer a factor John could trust as the window was as trustworthy as a burglar. Light never once stopped from beaming into the room and the doctor felt as if he were going to become mad from sleep deprivation. It had become something that only hit him whenever his body forced him to take it. No evidence was existent of how many days had evaporated since John had been kidnapped by big brother. The man that had interviewed him just minutes ago had now vanished behind a big iron door. Almost being able to feel what they were talking behind it, making stupid deductions about his behaviour, John couldn’t help but smile saddened. If he had known that this was where he would end up, he would’ve followed his real plan and would’ve thrown himself down into the thames. At least his problems would’ve then evaporated completely. Oh how they were analysing him, dismantling his behaviour until there would be nothing left but bare skin. They were looking at the pure nakedness of John Watson, their little science project. For Sherlock, John had always been an open book. Now, he hoped that he would be a secret.

Silence was filling the cement room, oh such a noisy silence. After an eternity of questions, of doctors looking at him, of Mycroft Holmes entering the room without a peep, placing something down to eat with a glance, and leaving it just the same, John decided that he had to get out of this prison. There had to be a way out of this. He couldn’t just accept his fate for god’s sake. If he had survived the horrible heat of Afghanistan, he would survive this as well. He hadn’t gone through years of Afghanistan, of being the best friend of a madman and falling in love with his nemesis because he couldn’t fight for himself. After all, his name wasn’t Dr. coward. When he pushed himself up from the chair, his neck was in pain from sitting the whole day. The room would be secured, John was sure of it so he had to think of a plan. “I want -” dry from not talking too much the last couple days (or was it just hours?), John had to readjust himself to talking again. “I want to talk to Sherlock”. The sensation of focussing on his own eyes in the mirror was strange. There was a hint of insecurity, but if he wanted to get out of here one day, he needed to stay strong. Somewhere behind these doors would be Jim. And the one thing on his mind was to get back to his lover. “There is no one behind that mirror Dr.Watson” Big brother’s voice came out of somewhere and John was sure that he was being played with right now. 

“Not talking to you Mycroft”, “Dr. Watson you’re being irresponsible, we have to talk about your imprisonment” With a simple movement, the doctor turned around and just tried to explore the walls around him. The room itself was easy built but safe. One window, a small bed (like in one of those poorly made prison Tv shows) and just plain, white light. “Don’t lie to me” there had never been this much despise in the doctor’s words. Nothing in this room would change John’s mind. He didn’t want to stay and he would only talk to Sherlock. “I’m surely not a genius like you and your brother, but I did not fall on my head”. This game could probably go on for days, but the Holmes’ were better than that. Without any notice, the door slowly opened. A dark shadow entered the room, curls like a dog that had just jumped into water, a slender body which models would fight for. Sherlock Holmes. He looked horrible. Illness and sadness were his companion, nothing compared to the man he was before.

“You should leave now, Mycroft” Mycroft, who had positioned himself against the doorframe, huffed with a grin “You are kidding”, “Brother mine, I don’t remember the last time I was joking with you” Again, Mycroft’s voice was nothing more than an upset mumble. But, despite John’s speculation, the thicker one left the room. Then, they were left on their own. Bonnie and Clyde, Jekyll and Hyde, Holmes and Watson. There they were, closer than the past weeks but farther away than they ever had been. A stranger stood in front of the heart, chill was stronger than heat and green eyes pierced into the hole of his soul. 

“He brainwashed you”, “He...what?” 

“Your clothes are washed, John. You don’t smell, you haven’t been in captivity. You’re hurt, but you received good medical care and your clenched fist shows me that you’re angry. Angry for what?” It was a rhetoric questions, John knew that. He didn’t really need to answer. “Stockholm syndrome. He has done something, but what?” Sherlock had already figured out the truth. John wouldn’t be able to stop him from deducing their relationship. Parasites of guilt crawled upon the doctor’s neck. Slowly, they bit into his flesh, pulling away skin of friendship until John felt naked under the detective’s glare. “The only thing missing” The dark snake hissed and moved himself around in the small room, “Dr. Watson” behind a hand was laid down on his shoulders. “Dr.Watson” repeated John himself and huffed. “Wasn’t aware that I’m called the doctor now” 

Never had John imagined, that he would be this dismissive towards his past friend. There was something bad lingering between them and John wasn’t quite sure what it was. Just a few days, or weeks, ago he had missed his friends and wished back those conversations. The laughter, the tears. It was like the yearning of a passed one. But now? Sherlock was looking at him as if he was a client. “Not mine anymore” his. HIS? A snort left his nose as he shook his head. “You’re joking.”, “I’m fascinated. I would love to know what he did to you. How he did this. How he changed you. How he caught your attention” Something was going terribly wrong right now and the tense air seemed to break into small thunders and lightnings. “I was wondering. How did the monster of darkness actually manage to persuade a father, a friend, a… beloved one to care for murderers?” Sherlock managed to make John shiver in disgust. How could Sherlock turn something beautiful into something so cold? He loved Jim. But of course, Sherlock couldn’t know. Couldn’t feel.

There had been a women before whom Sherlock had called disgusting, ugly, silly. He had despised Mary more than anything. “After all these years, years of fighting against his web. And now you decide to live with him like…” Revulsion spread on the detective’s face as he couldn’t even look at John’s eyes “Like a wife? Is that who you are now?” Being who he was, he pulled at the chain his hands were attached to. Mycroft had ensured that the blonde man wouldn’t be able to just set himself free. “You bastard”, “I guess your words are no longer sarcasm. John can’t you see? Your friends are waiting for you, your daughter is waiting for you. I, your best friend, am waiting for you to return home.” Pain was lingering in Sherlock’s words but John still wasn’t over the fact that Sherlock had said such cruel things about his lover. “I’m not a wife. I chose this”.

“I KNOW, and that is the worst part about this case. You’ve been hypnotised, persuaded, you are living the stockholm syndrome. Oh I hate to admit but I’m excited, perplexed but fairly fascinated” The ex army soldier couldn’t believe what Sherlock was saying right now. Of course everything was just an experiment for the mastermind. He wasn’t even considering real feelings of love or that his relationship with Jim was valid. “You’re nothing but shallowness Sherlock Holmes. Listening to your words, you’re nothing more than a dead shell to me. Go away. I’m not talking to you anymore”, “John- Listen. You do not really think that you will get out of this place, before we got you back to normal?” Oh poor Sherlock knew nothing. “I’ve never been as normal as I am when I’m with him, Sherlock. You wouldn’t understand, this is more than a client or a murderer. Jim Moriarty is the person I owe my life to”

“It’s two of us then” hummed the detective. “Because if you haven’t forgotten it, I saved your life once too” Not the same way, John wanted to yell at his face. Because Sherlock had saved him, that was true, but he had also made him dependent on him. He had never been more than a dog, nothing more than an experiment for the madman. 

If time could be reversed, John would’ve acted faster, would have told him on their second “date” (if one could call it date and not … observation phase). He would’ve left eden on his own,not because of a snake. Now he had grown on the snake, had started to love and appreciate it. Love had once been John’s drive for going on, but Eros and Mary had destroyed everything. A bullet could have ended it easily but no. Faith hadn’t acted in his favour, hadn’t gifted him with happiness or a great spouse. It had crushed his trust in real love.

Destiny had decided to be his wife and it had outed her as his personal hell. Surely, if one had asked John three years ago he would have called his life perfect. Back then, he hadn’t known about Mary’s true personality, about every lie that had been told. Now, at the bottom of the well of his life, he needed light. And sometimes, just like nightmares were disguised as dreams, light was disguised as the darkness. Jim was all he needed. After all these years, he had been the only one not to lie to him. And even if a relationship with Jim meant to be kept in one place for the rest of his life, it would mean warmth and love, things he would have never gotten from Sherlock. As much as he had loved their adventures, Sherlock would’ve never been able to care for him in the way Jim did. He wasn’t as empathetic, he would’ve needed to take care of Sherlock but now, instead of him being a giver like he had always been, he was being taken care of. It was no longer him who provided for others. And it sure as hell felt good to be tampered by Jim. 

Years ago, the day he had met Sherlock, there had been nothing more mesmerizing than his friend. He had looked at Sherlock with eyes full of wonder and amazement. Nothing had been more exciting than life with the other. And now, Sherlock was nothing more, than a finished chapter. That part of his life was over. It hadn’t taken him long to realise that the world was full of excitement and adventures. John had completed their chapter (and would probably read it again), but it would never be the same. Experiencing it had been a great memory, but the old John Watson did not live anymore. He had died in that car crash and he would not come back.

“Oh yes you did” the greyish man answered the detective. Yes, Sherlock had saved his life on multiple occasions. “But you also destroyed it twice” Something in Sherlock broke apart the moment his (ex-)best friend said out those word aloud. “You made me hate life even more than before. You switched me for a woman that you didn't even remember until a few months ago.” Euros had killed off every chance of them ever getting together. Yes, of course John understood their connection. But it would never be the same again. “You’ve brought back Afghanistan for me. You created a personal war, me against you. Me against Euros. All I had was Rosie and…” Oh Rosie… Would he ever be able to see her again? Even if Sherlock and Mycroft would let him go, he wasn’t sure if they would give her back to John. “ I am willingly going to fight against you if it’s for Jim’s sake”

“Oh John…” Hurt accompanied Sherlock’s deep voice.This twisted relationship of theim probably seemed as if John had went nuts. He hadn’t even been in a romantic relationship with Jim for long. But if you knew that you truly loved someone, you just… knew. It was just there. You didn’t need to prove it and you would fight for it. “I am sorry it has come to this. But I must tell you that I will not let you go until we fixed your brain” Oh god, how could one man be so stubborn? Sherlock could not once accept that people around him would change. Turning his back to the army doctor Sherlock opened the door. This was bollocks. The detective’s words were not even slightly reasonable. “Maybe Mycroft’s pets will get you back to your senses. Or Rosie” A pang of emotional pain hit John right in the center of his heart. When Sherlock mentioned his daughter, his eyes teared up. He had abandoned her. Of course, the former soldier loved his daughter, but he would also not let her be a pawn in this rigged game of the Holmes’ brothers. 

The door closed with a faint click and suddenly John was all on his own again. It seemed as if his life falling apart began to become his daily routine. Losing loved ones, fighting criminals, falling in love with said criminals, being kidnapped on a regular basis. His life was worse than any soap opera. Talking of Jim, John wondered how much time would go on before he would be freed by a bomb or something crazy. There was not a single moment where John would question his lover’s ability to save him. And Jim would never let John rot in such a small room. After all, John had proven his loyalty and love for the other. If Jim had taught him one thing, it was that he was worth fighting for. Which was enough reason why he would not leak a single piece of information to the Holmes brothers. 

Tic toc tic toc

His sleep was filled with nightmares again. Unability to sleep was something John had gotten used to. Dreams of death and hands that grabbed him, that would push him into a hole of hopeless thoughts. Love was fading and loneliness was drawing attention to itself as it slowly kissed his body with poison of doubt. All he could think of, was that there was a man out there that searched for him and he had to blindly trust him. Unfortunately, each time the doctor wanted to reach out for the familiar hand, he missed it and was left alone, falling deeper into abandonment. Their relationship would always be the salem witch trial, doomed to death but still innocent.

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“John, if Moriarty really cared for you, he wouldn’t let you be captured in here, would he?” Rolling his eyes John huffed and shook his head. This had to be a test, there was no other solution to the whole situation. Mycroft massaged his temples as he shook his head “You’re really something. First, you fall head over toes for my brother, you get yourself involved with a former FBI Agent that was willing to kill everybody you knew…” Oh if Mycroft continued to be such an arse, John would free himself from these chains and punch that nose back into a straight line. “And then you begin to trust the worst criminal the world could know. John, we need these informations. ‘Don’t you see that your sense for love is utterly unreasonable? We need your help” Silence was what the doctor had chosen for himself. As long as they wouldn’t torture him, he would be able to keep his mouth shut for as long as needed. “Moriarty is out there, killing people John. In the past two days alone, 9 people had to die because of his arbitrariness!” His head tilted upwards and his eyes began to water themselves with a bit of hope. Of course Jim was looking for him, those people hadn’t been killed without reason. They had to die because he was looking for John, for sure. Numbness no longer tingled through John’s mind and he slowly came back to full senses. These news were actually good one’s and Mycroft had done the mistake to tell him. While Mycroft babbled along about all the things that could be connected with the web, John looked around in the room. Of course the Holmes’ would be able to spot his different behavior but there would be no moment of privacy. There had to be an exit somewhere. But even if there wouldn’t be one, Jim would create one. He just had to wait a bit more.

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Being the worst they could be, the Holmes’ brothers actually brought Euros along. Prior to that, they had tried to woo him with Rosie, but John had managed to not lock eyes with his child. They had actually gotten to a point where neither Sherlock or Mycroft were able to get through to him. Rosie had been a hard one, but Euros would be easy to keep locked away from his thoughts. It all felt desperate of them. “Good morning Dr. Watson. I see you survived my dwell. What a pity” Oh God, was there any positive connotation towards that woman? The worst part about her was that she had seen and stepped into contact with Jim before John had ever had the opportunity to. Back when he had thought he was dead. Damn this woman and her ability to get close to his loved ones. “But don’t worry, your Jimmyboy is being veeery neglective” she chuckled. 

Lies. Lies. Lies. Every sound those round lips were making only ringed at his own alarm bells. Manipulation was hard to overcome, but she was easy to dodge. Her bullets were nothing like the Holmes’ or Jim’s. “Either he is leading a trace or he is so sad to have lost his Puppy… What if he hears that you ran away from him now that you had the chance to do so? Or better..” A crack of chuckle filled the silent room. How the hell had Sherlock or Mycroft ever thought that it was a good idea to let her in here? She was more of a psychopath than any of them. “That you killed yourself? Poor John Watson couldn’t stand the pressure, no sense of life without his wonderful spouse, being caught by the worst of the worst… Oh wouldn’t he be hurt? Maybe poor John Watson couldn’t stand the pressure and died in torture...” She mimicked a child crying as she talked. John carelessly yanked at the cold chains. There was not a lot of muscles left, as John didn’t even had the opportunity to train inside of this prison, but all he wanted to do was to hurt her. She made him angry, not cooperative. The chair he sat on scratched on the cold tiles and Euros laughed. Again. Her laughter was the ugliest thing John could think of. It was a low, controlled laughter as if it had been rehearsed a lot of times. “I didn’t upset you, did I? I’m so sorry, that wasn’t my intention”, “I hate you” Not once over the past weeks had John said as much truth as in this moment. There was not a spark of joy behind his words. Euros knew, and John knew that she knew. “Fuck you. Get out of here. Tell him what you want, your plan won’t work out” 

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Artificial light was the worst. There was no chance of John catching either the time of day nor how many days had gone on since he had been taken to his personal hell. The officer who brought his food every day, laid said boring, grey food down in front of him. They let him eat and drink like a child or pig, depending on how cooperative he was. Most days he ate like a pig, but then they would pity him again and give him something nourishing. John felt weak but still determined not to give up. 

Today was a child day, a sandwich and a pack of orange juice. “Take this sir” The sandwich was led to his mouth and John had to think of that one time where Jim had fed him like a train. That had been a nice memory. Taking a bite, led to him chewing it a few seconds before he spitted it at the stranger. “I’m going into a hunger strike” he announced. “Until I get fresh air, a new pair of socks and a bloody shower”, “If you would just cooperate with them Dr.Watson” the poor man said and caused a small chuckle to leave John’s throat. “Don’t laugh, they will get you back on the right trail!” John couldn’t believe what he had just heard. This had to be a bloody joke. “Listen, I don’t know you” the voice which filled the small room was very low and very demanding. It was not as loud as he wanted to, but strong enough. “But let me offer you some free advice. There is no such thing as right or wrong. Just because two rich, clever people tell you that what I am doing is wrong, does not mean that they’re actually right. Sometimes you have to swim against the other fish in order to become happy. And for me, this here will never be happiness. Which is why..” he kicked the plate where his food was on. “I’m going on a bloody. HUNGER. STRIKE”

Tic toc tic toc


	6. Floating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blinking through dry eyes, John was only running on fumes anymore. A black silhouette, whom he couldn’t recognise, was bend over him. Was it Sherlock? Was it Jim? Or was it the ugly duckling that had saved his life? The amount others had needed to save his life had become somewhat comical. But before he could think of it too much, sleep overrun him and within seconds and the doctor fell asleep once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! That's the last part. Thanks for hanging through with me :) I hope you enjoyed this small adventure. I loved reading it again and editing it. I am aware that I need to improve on a lot, including my English and my writing, but I'm super proud that I managed to publish this! Thanks for reading.

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Losing weight would have normally been something John would have been happy about. As a middle-aged man it was hard to stay in shape and he had gained a few pounds by being on bedrest after his accident. In this situation though, it seemed as if they really were not giving in to him. At some point, there would be no other solution than for him to eat again. His hunger strike had not resulted in the wanted results and if it hadn’t been hard already, his food was becoming better each day. They had set up pizza at first but by now, there even was a big filet or ice cream offered to him. Nutrition had become his greatest love and enemy at the same time. The young man who brought him those delicious treats every day gave him a puppy glare and slowly, John’s social contact shrank to this man. He would no longer give Sherlock, or worse Mycroft, any information. Each time one of them had tried to come in, he had just ignored them, staring at the wall. Even if they tried to play John Orwell’s Big brother and talked to him over some strange loudspeaker, John would just imagine his lover’s voice. Jim’s small hums and praises were all he needed.

6 days had went by since John’s last meal and his hunger became worse with each minute. He had gone on a water fast before, but without the right minerals and salts, his body would eventually shut down. As a doctor, he knew that his body wouldn’t last much longer. “what exactly are you hoping for?” asked the stranger and John rolled his eyes. Seriously? Where they really going for this route? Fine.The doctor smiled as fake as possible and tilted his head slightly. “Well I’m waiting for Moriarty to rescue me. And as I know him, your neck will probably be cut open” Half of John felt like he transformed into Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. His mind had become a crooked to a state where is words didn’t even surprise him anymore. By this point, John actually wished for Jim to just burst in here and kill everybody. He just wanted to be free again. The young man gritted his teeth and quickly left the room. Had Mycroft sunken this deep? Sending a poor boy in here, without any glimpse of hope? At this point, John was ready to do anything to get out. Maybe he needed to play nice and get them to-

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Maybe energy had gotten the better of him, his body had probably given up and he had collapsed. There was a deep hunger waking him and the growl of his stomach couldn’t be overheard. Not being able to keep the strike going anymore, his body had given up. Maybe dying would be the better way than to wait for his savior for such a long time. Jim had probably given him up and fled from Sherlock and Mycroft. No, he wouldn’t give up on him, right? Of course he would not judge the poor man, after all his whole web was hanging on those secret hideouts. Sherlock would probably be happy to hear about this ‘rehabilitation’ process. He would invest so much into the doctor until John would be his small puppy again. What had their friendship been built on except John being kidnapped and Sherlock saving him? Stupid him. It had always been a farce. 

Seconds went by before John tried to get up from the ground he had fallen to. This was worse than any torture he had gone through in Afghanistan. These were his loved one’s forcing him to break. Was that what they wanted? Did they really want to see John break until he was about to give in? Were they in that much denial?

He was barely able to get up from the ground and there was almost no power left in his arms. Had he really been unconsciousness for such a long time? At least it didn’t seem like anyone had come to help him. The last time the doctor had checked, he had been pretty fit for the amount of days he hadn’t eaten at that point. Weak, sure. But to a point of collapsing? No. His iron and energy seemed to be so low, even his legs felt like they were numb. Then, John opened his eyes and everything was too dark, too cold and too… demolished. Demolished? The walls that had been completely white before now looked like a grey body that was pulled apart. Black ash was slowly colouring his skin grey as he laid on the floor, completely confused. Something very wrong was going on here. The chains he had previously been imprisoned in were a myriad of tiny pieces on the ground right in front him. There was still a part connected to his wrists, but nothing that held him back anymore. Was this a nightmare, perhaps? 

His eyes slowly accustomed to the scenery as he realised that the black on his arm was mixing up with red petals of blood. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Something had definitely gone wrong. He couldn’t bleed out right now. If he did, he would never see Jim again. Trying to be calm, John pushed himself up from the floor. Everything seemed to drag him down again, but John fought with all his willpower, until he was on his feet again. He hadn’t stood like this in a long while. His legs had lost a lot of muscle tissue and every step, every movement hurt but somehow, he managed. His will was the lion deep inside him. He wouldn’t give in. This was his only chance.Thick, deep red blood slowly rolled down from his temple and dropped on his hands. Ok, keep calm. He had to get information about his situation, sure, but whatever had happened, was not as important as his condition. He could probably go on for a while, but it would be very slowly. 

What could have caused this? Probably a hit on the head, something big but not spiky or else the wound would be bigger. His arms were shaking and consciousness.. Well he was still thinking clear but possible consequences could still show signs later on. Lower. His torso seemed to be fine and his legs… John still wasn’t able to feel his legs completely. “Oh god..” panic filled his brain, empty on energy as he hadn’t eaten in days. “Fuck fuck fuck…” scared of what he might see, he took deep breaths in 7-11 intervals to prevent a panic attack. Panic would take too much energy and cause his body to shut down too soon. At this stage, he would be able to keep himself going for at least two hours, maybe three if he had luck. After taking deep breaths, he allowed himself to look down.

“fuck!” A sharp inhale was made by the former soldier as he saw his twisted feet. The right one was worse than the left one and at this stage, his plans of walking away distinguished. If nobody would come to him as soon as possible, he would slowly suffer to death from here on. There was no way that he would have the strength to somehow set back his left ankle in any normal situation. It was a wonder alone, that he was able to stand. Adrenaline probably numbed down the pain, but he would definitely feel it later. If there was a later.

Observing the room, it had probably been some part of the wall or a part of furniture that had hit him badly. This was no good, but he would need to survive it. With enough care he would probably be able to walk again too, but only if someone would come and bloody help him. “HELP!” his voice was not very loud but it was all the doctor could manage. Fuck, he did not want to die like this, in a small cellar far away from the ones he loved. This was more than fucked up. Had Sherlock and Mycroft been hurt? What about Rosie? Something must have blown up or- oh god. John only knew one more person that would willingly blow up a building with him in it that was not Sherlock. “Jim… HELP! ANYONE”.

Later on, John would tell this story to friends and co workers. The longest hour of his life, filled with pain that kicked in after about twenty minutes and blood destroying the only shirt he had on himself at that time. He hadn’t been able to stand for long, nor had he been able to walk. Jim had not come, and neither had Sherlock or Mycroft. After around 40 minutes, his voice had left him. Time had felt like it had come to the last seconds of his life. The doctor hadn’t improved the situation with his prior hunger strike and after what felt like an eternity, he had given up and just slumped against a wall. All power had left him and John knew that any breath he made, worsened the situation. 

The moment that young ugly boy had entered the room was a moment John would cherish for the rest of his life. Being bruised himself, John wouldn’t have thought that that man would come back for him. All he knew, was that he had treated him way too rude. Did he care for him or was he still on a mission for Mycroft? At that moment, John couldn’t have cared less. He wasn’t ready to go yet. 

“Oh fuck, look at your ankles!”, “Don’t tell me” the doctor managed lowly. For a moment the boy stood in the remaining ashed of the destroyed wall , just looking at John. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he quickly moved towards John. “Fuck, if I had known that the bomb would have such an effect…” The second the man said out those words aloud, something had clicked. At first, they hadn’t sounded obvious to him, but playing those words over and over, he realised that something wasn’t quite right. 

“Boy” said the former soldier and gritted his teeth. Lost with his limbs, John felt the urge to help the other in coordinating this mess. “This will be painful to watch, but you have to sit me down somewhere. The next thing you have to do will be very hard to watch and hear.” John shakingly ripped off a part of his shirt that was not soaked in blood and took a deep breath as he was set down on a big part of wall. “You need to strongly pull at my left leg. not the right one, we have to ask a doctor for that one, but I’ll manage the left one” The man glared at him in confusion but then nodded and kneeled down in front of the blonde one. “Place your hand one above and one below my ankle. It’s only bruised badly, at least I hope so, but you have to twist it. Do you get that? Pull strongly and twist it to your right direction” the man silently placed his hand on John’s pulsing foot and the doctor placed the piece of clothing between his teeth, before anything could happen. “Do me a favor and count to three” he muffled and closed his eyes. 

“one” John just begged the Gods of the world that this boy would do the whole thing right. “Two” before he could prepare, the boy already pulled and John screamed loudly into his ripped shirt. It hurt. It hurt so badly, tears were mixing up with the dried blood on his face. Every wrinkle hurt from the tension that had filled his face. Fuck, this was worse than the day he had been shot in Afghanistan.

Not knowing how long he screamed into the fabric, John had finally snapped back to his senses at some point. When he felt ready, he just nodded. The next thing would be the worst for recovery but he needed to do this. The boy immediately knew what to do and helped John to get up again. Any pain now would be worth every second of life. 

They were slow. John was only able to hop slowly. Gladly, there somehow was no one in the hallway. Everything behind him turned into a fog of nothingness, something he would never want to go back to. After around 300 metres, John was able to suppress the pain and began to ask questions. “What happened?”, “A big bomb blew up” John huffed “Yeah but why is nobody in this building?” The men went silent for a while. When they arrived at the first door that was able to be opened, he answered. “ I’ve been on my own in this building for the past 3 days” Silence filled the room and John’s heart for a second. He had gone on hunger strike and they had just… left him to rot? Everyone, every single person in his life had left him to fucking die on his own. What would they have done if John had actually passed away? Would have anyone cared? “Awesome” was his only response to the things the young man mumbled from that point on. After what seemed half an hour, they finally got to an exit. 

Light felt strange on his skin and there was no more elixir of life in him as he finally tasted freedom. His eyes first had to get used to the brightness of nature and it felt like cement, the moment his lungs filled with actual fresh air. Smelling freedom had never felt as heavy. The men next to him was suddenly a companion, not only someone who would somehow manage to get him from one point to another.

A black car was waiting outside of the building, two men standing in front of it. They helped him getting into the car without any words. He didn’t take it badly, as he himself wasn’t able to speak too. No questions were asked and for a while John wondered if he had actually died in there. Were these Mycroft’s people? Or Jims?. The whole area seemed as if people in it had died out and the drive to the hospital they were going to felt like a haze. Awareness was non existent on John’s vocabulary at this moment and every sound felt surreal. The obscure normality of the outside world was a concert which was heard through earplugs. Everything was full of dust and his eyes were not able to follow street and when he was dragged into the operation hall he slowly and softly drifted into sleep. Or death. 

Tic toc tic toc 

Blinking through dry eyes, John was only running on fumes anymore. A black silhouette, whom he couldn’t recognise, was bend over him. Was it Sherlock? Was it Jim? Or was it the ugly duckling that had saved his life? The amount others had needed to save his life had become somewhat comical. But before he could think of it too much, sleep overrun him and within seconds and the doctor fell asleep once more.

Tic toc tic toc 

Even being in a coma meant dreaming of the forbidden fruit. His eyes were ice within summer, campfire on christmas eve and the needle to his string. Without him, John would end up being a record player without a record, Peter pan without tinkerbell and dreams without sleep. There was not a single outcome where John could see himself happily ever after, but he knew that there was one ending where he would end up at least a tat happy. Those devilish fingers slowly curled his body into warmth and small kisses were plant on his warm, hot mess of a body. A smile laid on John’s lips. Pain was slowly embraced away and all he could feel was lightness. He was a balloon, flying in the wind, being kissed by gentle gusts by the man he yearned for. Jim’s eyes locked with his own and slowly, his whole body was covered in love. There was no need for any clothing, they were together and most vulnerable when they were naked. Jim would have his mind, body and loyalty for the rest of his life. From now on, after looking into death eyes’ more than twice, there was not a chance that he would let luck slip away again. He had let Jim’s love fester and infect him and from now on, there would be no exit. Their love was more than just ashes and smoke of a terrible past, it was so much more. 

In life and in death. 

Tic Toc Tic Toc 

A wet finger slowly circled John’s entry and entered him slowly but gentle. There was no pain whatsoever and everything the smaller man could feel was pleasure. Delicate lips on his stomach proved that their love was more than God and more than everything that could exist on this earth. Without even noticing it, three fingers were inside of him and the strong man above him slowly stroked John’s shaft. There was no need to exchange words. Perfection could be written out with their moans as their touches were clumsy but soft. Just the right amount of sweet, delicate ache and diabetical kisses all over his body. Love was tickling at their skin at each touch, while Jim slowly positioned himself at the doctor’s lower part. His eyes were asking for permission and the vulnerable younger man’s body screamed a loud yes. They were combined in a slow push by Jim’s hips and hard sucks of Jim’s lips on his upper torso and neck. He would look like a pattern of rose petals eventually. 

When Jim’s member entered him, a rush of hostility filled him and made his heart warm up. No pain was destroying the moment and there was nothing but their complete dedication for each other. It was as if Jim was his elixir of life and John was needing it like mother milk. Hours went by until something warm was building up inside of the doctor’s body. He knew the feeling of orgasm and this would be more than just an ordinary one. This would be love, blossoming and creating a bond stronger than anything John had experienced in his life before. This was his personal afterlife. If death felt like this, he could go on forever. 

Tic toc Tic Toc

Stories were told, in that reality of his. A deep, familiar voice that told him about a strong soldier and his adventures. There was a detective, a doctor, a bad guy. But in the end, it had all been worth it for the love of his life. Jim Moriarty and his daughter had been all John could wish for.

“We’re waiting for you” 

Those words were repeated multiple times, while John just floated in his own paradise.

Tic Toc Tic Toc

Lying awake in the hospital bed, John Watson decided that death had haunted him long enough. Opening his eyes for the first time was hell. It was months after they had been captured by Euros, a myriad of events that had formed the doctor into someone new. A clinical smell lingered inside of his nose, bringing back memories of his past. Times where his clothes had been soaked with dirt and the odour of Afghanistan. Days, filled with life, drought and adrenaline. Every mouthful of water had been touched by new hope. A slow bonfire full of songs sung by children and their mother’s soft voices. Afghanistan was this hospital’s reflection in the mirror of John Watson’s book of life. This hospital in contrast smelled like a first encounter, an encounter he didn’t want to miss out on.

“Welcome back, Dr. Watson”


End file.
